So Long Insecurity...

...You've been a bad friend.  This is a book I am reading.  I decided to join some women from our church for a book club. We are going through this book - VERY slowly. But that's ok, it gets me to think about and focus more on what I am reading instead of flying through to get the story.  Ok, so warning... this is a christian book, so duh I will be talking about my faith in this post.  Leave now if your not interested!!

Ok, so you were warned!!  Our first session we discussed the intro through chapter four.  I am not normally an under-liner, but this book I did a little bit.  These are things that hit me-like oh yeah I do that, or oh yeah I can relate.  One of the first things I could relate to was Beth talking about that "We use guys like mirrors to see if we're valuable, beautiful, desirable, and worthy of notice." Um I read that and thought - crap I do that... a lot.  The guy in my situation is hubby.   I look to him to tell me I am beautiful, desirable and worthy.  A Lot.  We have gotten into arguments about it even. Not good, but true.  That totally smacked me in the face. I need to find value and beauty in my self even if hubby doesn't say it. It also is hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that in God's eyes I am beautiful, worthy, desirable.  It I guess is hard for me to think that any body-not just God see's me as these things. I don't see it in myself a lot of times (Ok, who am I kidding... most of the times), so how can someone else.

So while reading this book I knew I was insecure, I knew I wasn't one of the people Beth mentioned that they have to wonder if they really are insecure. No I know I am, they why I don't exactly know. Anyhow the next section I underlined was part of her definition of insecurity. She wrote:  Insecurity refers to a profound sense of self-doubt-- a deep feeling of uncertainty about our basic worth and our place in the world.  Insecurity is associated with chronic self-consciousness, along with a chronic lack of confidence in ourselves and anxiety about our relationships. The insecure man or woman lives in constant fear of rejection and a deep uncertainty about whether his or her own feelings and desires are legitimate.  The sentence about the insecure women is me.  Granted the fear is not constant to say the least, but it is there. I fear rejection like no body I know. That is why I am shy, that is why I don't step out "In faith."  I chose to keep to myself for fear of being rejected by a friend. I chose to not make many friends or to take a LONG time to warm up to someone because of fear of rejection.  At times it is annoying - I choose the perceived safer route while really I'm isolating myself.

Another part in chapter four was really interesting to me. It was her talking about prominent false positives.  It is what we think when we say something. Like,  your so skinny, you look great! False positive: weight loss would make me more secure. There are others listed in the book about job security, financial security and a few others.  This was another "crap I do that" situation.  I do/have think that if i were skinny I would be more secure in myself. I have kinda blogged about that before here.

This has been an interesting book.  And I know I should/need to be reading this right now. There have been a number of things that I having reading that renew what I am reading. Some examples is this blog - alot of her posts spoke to me, especially her first few recent posts. Um hello can you say GOD??   Another thing came from Proverbs 31 facebook page.  It was mentioned by a women at church in a bible study that she gets these little inspireing snippits through her email with bible verses and she had mentioned proverbs 31, well I looked em up and signed up for the daily emails a few days later.  Today I found em on FB and "liked" them.  Well I log on later to check out things and what do I see posted by them  Want to overcome self-doubt and live in the security of God's promises instead? As you read Psalm 37:23-24, insert your name in the blanks: “The steps of ____________ are established by the Lord, and He delights in ____________ way. When ____________ falls, __________ will not be hurled headlong, because the Lord is the One who holds ________ hand.”  Yeah, perfect again God! I am looking forward to reading more of this book and writting more about it. But literally it will be a slow go-we are reading and discussing this book over three months, which I guess is good, it lets people read other things and do other things. I wonder/hope they will continue after we are done with this book, I like the low key enviro of meeting at peoples houses, I would even host - that is if people would want to drive all the way out to us! :) We apperantly live the farthest away from the church out of everyone, just a half hour. Not bad in my book, used to drive about 45 minutes one way to church in college. Ok well I am off to read more. I am also reading "Half Broke Horses"

The lines quoted in the book can be found on page 7, 17, & 38. The book is So Long Insecurity, You've been a bad friend to us  By Beth Moore. You can buy it on amazon!