Christmas

The christmas weekend was really nice. We got some really nice gifts. Hubby got a Keurig (I will now be claiming it, now that I got a filter thingy to make tea in it!hehe!)  We both got a lot of clothes from my parents. We got some misc. things from hubby's mom. Hubby got me a few books, some lotion and crochet hooks. I got him some books, pj pants and some gaming money for our ps3.  We went semi low key this year because we did buy a really awesome techy gadget earlier this winter!  We got a tablet computer.  We love it!  Yes mom & sis, I forgot to say anything at Christmas, because well we didn't get it close to Christmas.   We got the acer iconia 10.1" tablet. Again, we both love it. I am not sure how good it is a reader, since it has a computer like screen with glare and such, but for everything that I have used it for so far it rocks. Kevin uses it all the time to. I love having it by me when I cook since I tend to use recipes found on the web, so there ya go-the web at your finger tips!  Ok, so back to Christmas talking and less about tablet talk! hehe!

I was a happy person this year. And I was really happy that family and people close to us didn't bring up questions and stuff about our fostering stuff.  Looking back, I am glad we are sorta getting this extra break. It is like a really sit back & mentally prepare and spend time together break. We aren't worrying about our home passing any checks, not worrying about taking pre-license classes, Not worrying about getting things just right... just relaxing and taking it all in.  And I was happy this Christmas. There was really only two times that I kinda got teary eyed about what all happened with Sprout.  One was during the children's service @ church, and the other was during gift opening at my parents house.  I hope he had a wonderful Christmas.   Now to box up the few things of clothes that I haven't touched since I put them in drawers once we found out.

We did have a busy weekend though. Today it was nice to just sit and read and use the computer & not have to meet with anybody. Although I wish the hubbs had today off, but next weekend is a four day weekend due to him taking vaca time that he would loose otherwise. :)  Saturday we went to my parent's house for food and gifts.  The one thing I laughed about after wards to people was that she set the table up all fancy and served sloppy joes! it was kinda funny.  My parents are awesome cooks though... The sloppy joes are a recipe that got passed through the family-they are so yummers. And there was also homemade tater salad- yum!! Oh and who can forget her cookies. I'm sorry everyone who makes good cookies-my moms are THE best!  I don't know what it is, but I can have cookies that other poeple call the best and I think they are just ok.     Alrighty..... well enough rambling about food...  So we opened gifts saturday. Sunday was a christmas service at church, we were tech team. Stayed later to give Pastor his gift.   The late afternoon evening was spent between relatives of the hubbs and my family again.  I got to spend longer than I thought Id get with Z (new nephew).  We got to see the MEGA lego city my other nephew B has made. OMG! That boy is talented!  He got two lego kits for Christmas (like the mega kits) and I think he said for the train kit it took him 2ish hours and the lego city kit was close to 6 hours.  But he showed me around his "town" and wow-he has built a lot of stuff! and a good amount out of regular legos with no kit.  Niece A had fun coloring her new color by number thing she got for christmas!    It was fun to see everyone again.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!

Unsettling

Today was or monthly home check. It sure as heck didn't put warm fuzzies in my heart & body.  The reorganization kinda freaks me out.   And I guess from what I have heard it will be good for the social workers case load, not exactly sure it is good for the kiddo's entering the system...  An organization will be taking the placement calls, then go between IFS or CSSW. So say a call comes into PSG (group fielding the calls), they look on there list to see if it is IFS's turn or CSSW's turn. Then calls group, the group has 30 minutes to find a match, if they can't the placement goes to the other group. Ok, so my explanation isn't that good, but our cw didn't explain it much better. He made a point to say that it was now competitive. To me, this really doesn't sound like it is good for the kids.

The one thing that made me a little frownier was that he said when talking about putting our license on hold for the month of January because of trip at the end of January, and he said our "team" hasn't had any children in our age range for a few months. Yes that's encouraging.

So it sounds like they are working on the finer details still/now... i don't know exactly. But our guy doesn't know yet which "group" we will be in yet, IFS or CSSW. We are currently with CSSW, and if we change we will have a new worker.  So yeah we are kinda in icky spot. The reason we are being divided into two groups is because IFS got a contract or something to place foster children.  But they have no "people" or a worse term "Available Beds" since they are starting, so CSSW has to share some of their "waiting homes" with IFS

One thing, I am just hoping this may give us a better chance to get a placement of a child, since they will pretty much eliminate the "matching" to some degree. We didn't talk about the thought we are on the wrong track, since it is all changing in the new year.  Although I am pretty nervous on the whole reorganization, I am also cautiously enthusiastic.

Our CW also strongly apologized for the Whole Sprout situation. I reiterated what I have said on here, We just want the best for him, and it seams like current fmom is probably the best situation for him, so I hope all goes well on her side. We were also reminded that if the case doesn't go the way the fmom had hopped we are the first ones they will call for placement.

Moving On...

Last week was one crazy week emotionally for me. More sad than anything.

As I had said from the beginning of learning about Sprout, we wanted what was best for him. Sure we wanted to  care for him, had the situation worked out. But from the get go we knew that Sprout staying with Fmom was probably the best situation for him.  Sure it was hard the first couple days of learning the way his case is going, but we knew with time we would move on. And we have pretty much.  I hope everything works out with Sprout & his foster family. I have let go of the possibilities and the hopes I had for this little guy, I have said goodbye to the thought. It was hard to pretty much go through the loss alone, but I have made it out the other side a stronger person.   I am looking forward to what child may come our way next.  I hope our wait isn't to long.

We are seeing our case worker next week for the monthly home check. We are looking forward to this because we think we are on either the wrong foster track or not all that we are willing to be on...if that makes sense. And also to get a little more info about Sprout's fmom's trial thing and what he thinks will happen. The only reason I say this is because I think they will come to us and ask again if Sprout's fmom does not win her case.  So I guess we have to be semi prepared of the tiny possibility.

So we are back to the waiting game. After having dipped my feet in the water of what can happen in the foster world, I'm ok with waiting until the right match has been found. I know God has a hand in it, and it will be in his timing.  Oh, also talking about God.... this past weeks service I totally could connect with. The title of the service was "Show Courageous Faith."  http://www.gocrossroads.net/messages.shtml  I encourage you to check it out!

Ca freaking razy

As the days go I am getting more and more upset/frustrated. No news today. I love how our social worker lies to us.  He may very well not know anything, but stick to what you said about calling us everyday to give us the case info. Or at the very least don't freaking ignore responding to my email ALL DAY.   I emailed him at 11:30am, no word back @ 6pm. He was in the office today.  In some ways I really don't like our social worker.  But I can't do anything about it, I'm stuck. I wish I knew contact info for his supervisor, so if say I want to get info I have someone to contact... It is so frustrating.  And I can totally understand someone being over busy(as sw's normally are) but then don't promise you'll call us on monday with news or tell us you'll let us know of new info everyday.   I am really starting to break down again this week- and it is only monday. I just want to know, I hate this state of huge limbo.  The later it is decided for him, the harder it will be for him and us to enjoy christmas. The later it gets decided, the later we decide if we are canceling aruba. The later we cancel aruba, the less chance m&d will get all their money back.  I know the process to figure out his placement now is hard, but come on- just figure it out already.

The speed of molasses

So here I am today, prepping for a Christmas gathering turned bday party turned back to Christmas party. All because of a little boy named Sprout.  It has been one roller-coaster ride of a week emotions wise. I am back on the upswing of this roller coaster. Things are looking goodish. As good as we could hope.  His chance of coming home to us at any point is 50%. The reason it is so "low" is because it all depends on whether or not we hear if current Fmom is going to fight license revocation.  We were supposed to hear yesterday, but our guy hadn't heard anything and wasn't able to get a hold of supervisor yesterday. From the brief convo hubby had with the guy at 5pm, he didn't sound like he was about to retry calling her, said he is in his office on monday.  So we are hoping to hear something.

Last week was bad, we were so excited to be welcoming Sprout into our house. Monday the case seamed to have changed-or maybe our case manager said it in a way that lead us to believe that. We didn't hear from him till wednesday-and all he sent was an email saying "no news yet."  My mom called later that day to get Christmas gift advice. She asked about the case I told her no news.  Thursday we had thought we lost him. We just wanted to hear something. Yes/no. We were fine with saying goodbye to this boy we didn't really know.  Thursday my mom called asking more xmas stuff. Said something about our case (can't remember exactly... but by then I just needed to let the tears out anyhow...) and I just started crying on the phone. My mom didn't get why I was upset, her comments really didn't comfort me either.  She doesn't really know what this process is like, she knows what we tell her, but emotionally she doesn't know what it feels like.  Emotionally it is like finding out your pregnant with a home test, going to the doctor and "oh maybe your pregnant. I'm leaning towards yes. Oh but this test came back bad. I donno you might be pregnant"  That is as close as I can come to an explanation.  It is hard. I am emotionally attached to this little boy. I want what is best for him.  But at the end of the day it is hard.  So I cried, let it out, moved on.

Now we are back at our holding pattern, waiting for news. I am still just wanting to know yes/no-but a different yes/no. Is she gonna fight it? Are we gonna get him?

Hoping to get off this roller coaster one way or the other this week-we will see...

Dear Sprout

I have been thinking about you alot. I can't believe I have thought so much about a little boy I haven't met or have seen a photo of.  Things seam to be changing.  That or we are reading to much into what our worker said.   We hope we get to meet you, but ultimately we want what is best for you little man!   We know that if your pulled from your foster home you'll have a hard time adjusting. We know you wont trust us. We are willing to endure these if we are lucky enough to care for you.  I have been praying for you, praying that God would do what is best for you.

I am having a hard time waiting to find out either way, having been bugging the hubbs so much about what he thinks. I think he is trying to tell me what I want to hear, but really I want to know what he thinks is going to happen.  He has thought that we probably won't get you, but has also put our chances at 50-75%... so I donno.   We hope to hear tomorrow... our guy said at earliest it would be tomorrow..... so we are crossing fingers & toes!

What is told does not equal Actuality...

Hmmph-where do I start. First off I really need to work on not being such an open book, and so willing to tell people were we are at.  Now if this doesn't go through, what will I say. OH MAN!  So hubby called Chris to get some more definite info-which let me tell ya... that is one hard thing to get.  I understand why... but I might want some info about why it is taking longer.  I know ultimately it is for Sprout's best interest to for sure decide what needs to be done instead of just making willy nilly decisions.

The low down is our worker said last week that it is 95% certain they are pulling Sprout. Now we hear that it is undecided and we wont know any more until wednesday. Great..    I know they are tryint to choose what is best for Sprout, but it is hard to know that you got a few things for a little boy that we may never meet.

All I can do is pray. Pray for what is best for Sprout...

Dear Sprout

Dear Sprout-
Today I went shopping for you. I bought you some things to open on your birthday and christmas. I bought some important stuff too.   I hope I have an ok carseat for you. Your foster momma isn't working with her worker so I can have a safe chair for you.  I am sorry you have to leave your foster momma, you must be so upset.  I want to make this the best environment for you. You are all I have really been thinking about these last four days. I know there will be so many new people coming into your life, from family to church and friends.  I hope I can be the momma you need. I am new at this and I know I will make mistakes. We are excited to meet you Sprout! I can't believe that day is right around the corner.