I haven't blogged in a few days. I have been busy. The last two days I have been prepareing a room for String Bean to come home. Ah, yes that means we got matched again with a child. This child seams to cause fear of our parenting skills by my family-thanks for the vote of confidence! lol! So social worker called hubby since my cell was off, and I tend to not answer #'s I don't recognize on the home phone. He got the info, called me. We said yes. We met String Bean thursday at the hospital, saw him again friday. Got his official "Placement Folder" Lets just say it has been one roller coaster ride so far! lol! We are excited by how he is pretty much welcomed by everyone.
So this brings me to my other comment. I don't know how to say this exactly. So with being matched with him and needing supplies, a lot of people had said they would throw a shower for us once we get settled. My mother wanted something now(she thinks we are still missing a lot of things? ) - even though I think she bought us a lot of the impending nessesities. A lot of big things could get purchased....but I donno. I did accept my mother's friend to host a "meet & tea" (i think that is what she called it) with some bridge group friends of my mom. My whole issue is I feel weird asking for stuff, because he is not guaranteed to stay with us. No family has come forward-he will legally be a ward of the state (foster child) on wednesday. But a family MAY come forward at any time, and things bought would probably end up going to them, since anything you buy for them is theirs no matter if they stay or if they move away. I think I may just ask for a few things-I donno. Erat-if you read this or the message, could you respond.... thanks!
So one last thing. I received my first negative comment about fostering. I think it was told to hubby then retold to me. All I can say is, yes I am sure it will be hard if we have to let him go. But he deserves someone to be upset and heartbroken about him if he leaves, he hasn't had that much love from his bio family.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
What do you say??!!
This Christmas weekend was interesting when it came to the whole fostering / IF stuff. A person brought up a comment & engaged family members of theirs to the conversation. I ultimately know they were trying to make conversation and I guess didn't know what to talk about with us in regards to the whole issues. I know this person may also have not known any better - or at least thought said comment was not offensive. Truthfully said comment wasn't OMG offensive, but it was like.... Ok... Um thanks for your thoughts. I don't know if the person reads this blog, if you do and you notice this post... I am sorry.
Ok so what was said relates back to the wanting a baby, "don't we wish we had a little baby like Z?" Yes we do, but ultimately we wish to help a child. If adoption is part of the helping a child, then great. Also comment was said... wouldn't it be nice if say aunt xyz said she would be a surrogate. Yes, that would be lovely to offer someone, but it costs a lot of money, as much or more money if we were trying ourselves, so we have pretty much figured that is out of the picture. But saying this really puts both sides in a spot. Your forcing aunt xyz to give her input on it (pos or neg) and us to retell that no, it is to much money. Maybe I am being to negative over a simple comment, but that is how I see it. I donno...
Ok so what was said relates back to the wanting a baby, "don't we wish we had a little baby like Z?" Yes we do, but ultimately we wish to help a child. If adoption is part of the helping a child, then great. Also comment was said... wouldn't it be nice if say aunt xyz said she would be a surrogate. Yes, that would be lovely to offer someone, but it costs a lot of money, as much or more money if we were trying ourselves, so we have pretty much figured that is out of the picture. But saying this really puts both sides in a spot. Your forcing aunt xyz to give her input on it (pos or neg) and us to retell that no, it is to much money. Maybe I am being to negative over a simple comment, but that is how I see it. I donno...
Christmas
The christmas weekend was really nice. We got some really nice gifts. Hubby got a Keurig (I will now be claiming it, now that I got a filter thingy to make tea in it!hehe!) We both got a lot of clothes from my parents. We got some misc. things from hubby's mom. Hubby got me a few books, some lotion and crochet hooks. I got him some books, pj pants and some gaming money for our ps3. We went semi low key this year because we did buy a really awesome techy gadget earlier this winter! We got a tablet computer. We love it! Yes mom & sis, I forgot to say anything at Christmas, because well we didn't get it close to Christmas. We got the acer iconia 10.1" tablet. Again, we both love it. I am not sure how good it is a reader, since it has a computer like screen with glare and such, but for everything that I have used it for so far it rocks. Kevin uses it all the time to. I love having it by me when I cook since I tend to use recipes found on the web, so there ya go-the web at your finger tips! Ok, so back to Christmas talking and less about tablet talk! hehe!
I was a happy person this year. And I was really happy that family and people close to us didn't bring up questions and stuff about our fostering stuff. Looking back, I am glad we are sorta getting this extra break. It is like a really sit back & mentally prepare and spend time together break. We aren't worrying about our home passing any checks, not worrying about taking pre-license classes, Not worrying about getting things just right... just relaxing and taking it all in. And I was happy this Christmas. There was really only two times that I kinda got teary eyed about what all happened with Sprout. One was during the children's service @ church, and the other was during gift opening at my parents house. I hope he had a wonderful Christmas. Now to box up the few things of clothes that I haven't touched since I put them in drawers once we found out.
We did have a busy weekend though. Today it was nice to just sit and read and use the computer & not have to meet with anybody. Although I wish the hubbs had today off, but next weekend is a four day weekend due to him taking vaca time that he would loose otherwise. :) Saturday we went to my parent's house for food and gifts. The one thing I laughed about after wards to people was that she set the table up all fancy and served sloppy joes! it was kinda funny. My parents are awesome cooks though... The sloppy joes are a recipe that got passed through the family-they are so yummers. And there was also homemade tater salad- yum!! Oh and who can forget her cookies. I'm sorry everyone who makes good cookies-my moms are THE best! I don't know what it is, but I can have cookies that other poeple call the best and I think they are just ok. Alrighty..... well enough rambling about food... So we opened gifts saturday. Sunday was a christmas service at church, we were tech team. Stayed later to give Pastor his gift. The late afternoon evening was spent between relatives of the hubbs and my family again. I got to spend longer than I thought Id get with Z (new nephew). We got to see the MEGA lego city my other nephew B has made. OMG! That boy is talented! He got two lego kits for Christmas (like the mega kits) and I think he said for the train kit it took him 2ish hours and the lego city kit was close to 6 hours. But he showed me around his "town" and wow-he has built a lot of stuff! and a good amount out of regular legos with no kit. Niece A had fun coloring her new color by number thing she got for christmas! It was fun to see everyone again.
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!
I was a happy person this year. And I was really happy that family and people close to us didn't bring up questions and stuff about our fostering stuff. Looking back, I am glad we are sorta getting this extra break. It is like a really sit back & mentally prepare and spend time together break. We aren't worrying about our home passing any checks, not worrying about taking pre-license classes, Not worrying about getting things just right... just relaxing and taking it all in. And I was happy this Christmas. There was really only two times that I kinda got teary eyed about what all happened with Sprout. One was during the children's service @ church, and the other was during gift opening at my parents house. I hope he had a wonderful Christmas. Now to box up the few things of clothes that I haven't touched since I put them in drawers once we found out.
We did have a busy weekend though. Today it was nice to just sit and read and use the computer & not have to meet with anybody. Although I wish the hubbs had today off, but next weekend is a four day weekend due to him taking vaca time that he would loose otherwise. :) Saturday we went to my parent's house for food and gifts. The one thing I laughed about after wards to people was that she set the table up all fancy and served sloppy joes! it was kinda funny. My parents are awesome cooks though... The sloppy joes are a recipe that got passed through the family-they are so yummers. And there was also homemade tater salad- yum!! Oh and who can forget her cookies. I'm sorry everyone who makes good cookies-my moms are THE best! I don't know what it is, but I can have cookies that other poeple call the best and I think they are just ok. Alrighty..... well enough rambling about food... So we opened gifts saturday. Sunday was a christmas service at church, we were tech team. Stayed later to give Pastor his gift. The late afternoon evening was spent between relatives of the hubbs and my family again. I got to spend longer than I thought Id get with Z (new nephew). We got to see the MEGA lego city my other nephew B has made. OMG! That boy is talented! He got two lego kits for Christmas (like the mega kits) and I think he said for the train kit it took him 2ish hours and the lego city kit was close to 6 hours. But he showed me around his "town" and wow-he has built a lot of stuff! and a good amount out of regular legos with no kit. Niece A had fun coloring her new color by number thing she got for christmas! It was fun to see everyone again.
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!
Monday, December 19, 2011
Unsettling
Today was or monthly home check. It sure as heck didn't put warm fuzzies in my heart & body. The reorganization kinda freaks me out. And I guess from what I have heard it will be good for the social workers case load, not exactly sure it is good for the kiddo's entering the system... An organization will be taking the placement calls, then go between IFS or CSSW. So say a call comes into PSG (group fielding the calls), they look on there list to see if it is IFS's turn or CSSW's turn. Then calls group, the group has 30 minutes to find a match, if they can't the placement goes to the other group. Ok, so my explanation isn't that good, but our cw didn't explain it much better. He made a point to say that it was now competitive. To me, this really doesn't sound like it is good for the kids.
The one thing that made me a little frownier was that he said when talking about putting our license on hold for the month of January because of trip at the end of January, and he said our "team" hasn't had any children in our age range for a few months. Yes that's encouraging.
So it sounds like they are working on the finer details still/now... i don't know exactly. But our guy doesn't know yet which "group" we will be in yet, IFS or CSSW. We are currently with CSSW, and if we change we will have a new worker. So yeah we are kinda in icky spot. The reason we are being divided into two groups is because IFS got a contract or something to place foster children. But they have no "people" or a worse term "Available Beds" since they are starting, so CSSW has to share some of their "waiting homes" with IFS
One thing, I am just hoping this may give us a better chance to get a placement of a child, since they will pretty much eliminate the "matching" to some degree. We didn't talk about the thought we are on the wrong track, since it is all changing in the new year. Although I am pretty nervous on the whole reorganization, I am also cautiously enthusiastic.
Our CW also strongly apologized for the Whole Sprout situation. I reiterated what I have said on here, We just want the best for him, and it seams like current fmom is probably the best situation for him, so I hope all goes well on her side. We were also reminded that if the case doesn't go the way the fmom had hopped we are the first ones they will call for placement.
The one thing that made me a little frownier was that he said when talking about putting our license on hold for the month of January because of trip at the end of January, and he said our "team" hasn't had any children in our age range for a few months. Yes that's encouraging.
So it sounds like they are working on the finer details still/now... i don't know exactly. But our guy doesn't know yet which "group" we will be in yet, IFS or CSSW. We are currently with CSSW, and if we change we will have a new worker. So yeah we are kinda in icky spot. The reason we are being divided into two groups is because IFS got a contract or something to place foster children. But they have no "people" or a worse term "Available Beds" since they are starting, so CSSW has to share some of their "waiting homes" with IFS
One thing, I am just hoping this may give us a better chance to get a placement of a child, since they will pretty much eliminate the "matching" to some degree. We didn't talk about the thought we are on the wrong track, since it is all changing in the new year. Although I am pretty nervous on the whole reorganization, I am also cautiously enthusiastic.
Our CW also strongly apologized for the Whole Sprout situation. I reiterated what I have said on here, We just want the best for him, and it seams like current fmom is probably the best situation for him, so I hope all goes well on her side. We were also reminded that if the case doesn't go the way the fmom had hopped we are the first ones they will call for placement.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Home Check Tomorrow
Sorry neighbors, you get to hear all three of our LOUD (not just a little loud, but they are freaking super loud & they talk :) ) smoke/co detectors. Tommorow we get our home checked and get to chat with our guy. I hope we get a little more info on the whole Sprout thing... most likely not though. I am also undecided if I really want to put my license on hold as of 1/1/12. I don't want that to be a hindrance of us getting matched.
Ok jumping topics here, but I am upset with some people. I don't know how to talk about it with out family peeps getting angry back at me. So family; if you read this... um don't be mad? Ok so some family members were trying to make conversation and ask about how the fostering stuff is going and if we have heard any more about Sprout. We retell what we know and this person starts making assumptions of Sprout's current foster momma. And goes into the race card issues, of which I have really been trying to pick my battles on. This is not a battle to be won by either side, we each have valid points and beliefs. I just kinda want to be accepted for what we choose, not what we choose based on peoples opinions. Mkay, not sure this bottom part made a lot of sense to a lot of people... but that's where I am :)
Ok jumping topics here, but I am upset with some people. I don't know how to talk about it with out family peeps getting angry back at me. So family; if you read this... um don't be mad? Ok so some family members were trying to make conversation and ask about how the fostering stuff is going and if we have heard any more about Sprout. We retell what we know and this person starts making assumptions of Sprout's current foster momma. And goes into the race card issues, of which I have really been trying to pick my battles on. This is not a battle to be won by either side, we each have valid points and beliefs. I just kinda want to be accepted for what we choose, not what we choose based on peoples opinions. Mkay, not sure this bottom part made a lot of sense to a lot of people... but that's where I am :)
Shameless Blog Plug...
This is my shameless blog plug! I normally don't do this... but I am entering her contest and as such... need to share about her blog. Her blog is NOT one in my sidebar-although it will be soon! SHe also blogs about fostering, currently has a wee little one in her care. Please check out her blog called I must Be Trippin. I love her blog because she is funny and caring and tells it like she sees it! Really-if you are interested in more fostering blogs, check 'er out!
Thursday, December 15, 2011
It Has been...
Ten days tomorrow since we found out Spout would not be joining us any time soon. Four days since Sprout turned four. Three days since I said I had moved on. Two days since I met my new little nephew. Today has been harder than I thought it would be. I have for the most part moved on, but I know I will hold a little piece of Sprout in my heart. And really I don't know what I am upset about. The empty room? The little PJ's we bought for him? The still "hidden" gifts we were planning to give him for his birthday or christmas? Right now there are to many reminders of what could have been in my house. I hope we get introduced to someone in need soon. Does that make me selfish? No. I just want what a lot of people have.... My day will come I know, I just wish it would hurry up!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Christmas
Every year I tell myself that I am gonna get my crap together and get the christmas stuff done early. Every year I have good intentions & good plans, but then the middle of December rolls around and I think, Crap... I still have so much to do. I will say that I am done buying for the kids...um mostly. I got the niece & 1 nephew taken care of...now I just gotta finish up the 2nd nephew gift. Parents, sister, and pastor are still not even started. I have ideas of what I want to do for them, but my sister & parents have a crafty aspect to their gift... and well I havent started. I haven't even ordered my photo cards. Ok well I better go do that!
Monday, December 12, 2011
Baking
Well, what a topic this is! :) Last weekend I attended a cookie bake at some relatives of the hubby. So during my crazy bad week I used some of that anger to make cookies. I had to make cookies at some point anyhow for this thing, I figured what better time. I did not make my normal cookies this year... I chose all new things. But my two favorite things that I made are marshmallows & meringue cookies. I also made a batch of macaroons... but we wont go there! The merigue were pretty good-a bit chewy... but ok in my mind. My favorite were the marshmallows... YUMMY!! They were really good & really easy! I normally am not a big marshmallow fan, but these were way better than the ones you get in the store. I even plan to make some of these for the pm church service next sunday. But I am thinking of making them in a different pan-they were to thick. I also made some double chocolate cookies and some brown sugar shortbread cookies.. The cookie swap was pretty fun to!
Moving On...
Last week was one crazy week emotionally for me. More sad than anything.
As I had said from the beginning of learning about Sprout, we wanted what was best for him. Sure we wanted to care for him, had the situation worked out. But from the get go we knew that Sprout staying with Fmom was probably the best situation for him. Sure it was hard the first couple days of learning the way his case is going, but we knew with time we would move on. And we have pretty much. I hope everything works out with Sprout & his foster family. I have let go of the possibilities and the hopes I had for this little guy, I have said goodbye to the thought. It was hard to pretty much go through the loss alone, but I have made it out the other side a stronger person. I am looking forward to what child may come our way next. I hope our wait isn't to long.
We are seeing our case worker next week for the monthly home check. We are looking forward to this because we think we are on either the wrong foster track or not all that we are willing to be on...if that makes sense. And also to get a little more info about Sprout's fmom's trial thing and what he thinks will happen. The only reason I say this is because I think they will come to us and ask again if Sprout's fmom does not win her case. So I guess we have to be semi prepared of the tiny possibility.
So we are back to the waiting game. After having dipped my feet in the water of what can happen in the foster world, I'm ok with waiting until the right match has been found. I know God has a hand in it, and it will be in his timing. Oh, also talking about God.... this past weeks service I totally could connect with. The title of the service was "Show Courageous Faith." http://www.gocrossroads.net/messages.shtml I encourage you to check it out!
As I had said from the beginning of learning about Sprout, we wanted what was best for him. Sure we wanted to care for him, had the situation worked out. But from the get go we knew that Sprout staying with Fmom was probably the best situation for him. Sure it was hard the first couple days of learning the way his case is going, but we knew with time we would move on. And we have pretty much. I hope everything works out with Sprout & his foster family. I have let go of the possibilities and the hopes I had for this little guy, I have said goodbye to the thought. It was hard to pretty much go through the loss alone, but I have made it out the other side a stronger person. I am looking forward to what child may come our way next. I hope our wait isn't to long.
We are seeing our case worker next week for the monthly home check. We are looking forward to this because we think we are on either the wrong foster track or not all that we are willing to be on...if that makes sense. And also to get a little more info about Sprout's fmom's trial thing and what he thinks will happen. The only reason I say this is because I think they will come to us and ask again if Sprout's fmom does not win her case. So I guess we have to be semi prepared of the tiny possibility.
So we are back to the waiting game. After having dipped my feet in the water of what can happen in the foster world, I'm ok with waiting until the right match has been found. I know God has a hand in it, and it will be in his timing. Oh, also talking about God.... this past weeks service I totally could connect with. The title of the service was "Show Courageous Faith." http://www.gocrossroads.net/messages.shtml I encourage you to check it out!
Friday, December 9, 2011
Putting one's self out in public...
...Isn't always so nice. I plan to keep this blog, but for a few days I really thought about locking it down and only giving access to certain people, but that's not going to happen.
A few days ago someone close to me snooped and tattled on me based on something I wrote here. Nobody will admit that this person did it, but non the less people that don't need to be reading this found it.
All I can say to the person is please respect my privacy - and really the post you tattled on me for really did not say anybody in particular's name. Also, at the time I wrote that post, I was angry on many fronts and just letting hot air out, it was a BAD day. I could barely keep it together long enough to relax & enjoy being with some friends. Ok, I will leave it there....
A few days ago someone close to me snooped and tattled on me based on something I wrote here. Nobody will admit that this person did it, but non the less people that don't need to be reading this found it.
All I can say to the person is please respect my privacy - and really the post you tattled on me for really did not say anybody in particular's name. Also, at the time I wrote that post, I was angry on many fronts and just letting hot air out, it was a BAD day. I could barely keep it together long enough to relax & enjoy being with some friends. Ok, I will leave it there....
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Being Heard vs Being critiqued
So were shall I start? Today has been challenging for me. I could barely keep the tears away long enough to go to a dinner out with some ladies from church. Today we found out fmom is fighting her license revokation & criminal charges (really??!?). So our chances of getting Sprout is slim to none. I know there are other children out there, but don''t I get to mourn the loss of chances with Sprout before looking to the future? At least that's what I thought I had the right to do. I know many people just don't really know what to say, so they say "someone else will come along" and I know someone will. But again I want to have a chance to let go of my current thoughts for Sprout. Sigh... I don't know it is hard for me right now though. A few people close to me have told me they are there for me, but they tend to be there for me until they want to critique me. Just please be there for me. I was there for you... I didn't say anything negative, or suggested things. I was just what they call a good listener. Just someone to listen to you cry or talk, can you please just do that for me?? That is why I don't tell you things, never really have... just listen please.
I don't know why you seem to think that letting go of possibilities with Sprout is such an easy thing, you think I shouldn't be so upset. I am upset, and I think it is fine to have a day or two to be upset about this... I did just find out about it today......
Also, really? Make me chose between one family or another family? This angers me. I should not have to be forced to go to a burial. I am going to the funeral. I want to spend time with the hubbs fam at the annual cookie bake. Sigh... you tell me you'll be upset and disappointed with us both if we don't go. Great-thanks for letting ME choose what I want to do.
I don't know why you seem to think that letting go of possibilities with Sprout is such an easy thing, you think I shouldn't be so upset. I am upset, and I think it is fine to have a day or two to be upset about this... I did just find out about it today......
Also, really? Make me chose between one family or another family? This angers me. I should not have to be forced to go to a burial. I am going to the funeral. I want to spend time with the hubbs fam at the annual cookie bake. Sigh... you tell me you'll be upset and disappointed with us both if we don't go. Great-thanks for letting ME choose what I want to do.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Ca freaking razy
As the days go I am getting more and more upset/frustrated. No news today. I love how our social worker lies to us. He may very well not know anything, but stick to what you said about calling us everyday to give us the case info. Or at the very least don't freaking ignore responding to my email ALL DAY. I emailed him at 11:30am, no word back @ 6pm. He was in the office today. In some ways I really don't like our social worker. But I can't do anything about it, I'm stuck. I wish I knew contact info for his supervisor, so if say I want to get info I have someone to contact... It is so frustrating. And I can totally understand someone being over busy(as sw's normally are) but then don't promise you'll call us on monday with news or tell us you'll let us know of new info everyday. I am really starting to break down again this week- and it is only monday. I just want to know, I hate this state of huge limbo. The later it is decided for him, the harder it will be for him and us to enjoy christmas. The later it gets decided, the later we decide if we are canceling aruba. The later we cancel aruba, the less chance m&d will get all their money back. I know the process to figure out his placement now is hard, but come on- just figure it out already.
It's hard for me... does he think about it?
This past saturday we had a "party" at our place. I put party in quotes because it is more of a gathering of friends and pretty low keyed when it comes to the partying. Anywho... two of our friends have kiddos and hubby's brother & wife are expecting any day (yay!!). They were talking all about kiddo stuff and what to expect at the hospital and such. This is what is known as the mommy clique (sp?) Ok so many mommies and daddies would deny they do it, but us outsiders know they do it. So I know I used to feel left out when people would go about talking about this sort of stuff, but at our party the guys got into it to. I don't think the hubbs has been in a situation similar (i could very well be wrong) so I wonder what is going on in his head. If he thinks about that loss that he has also lost. The loss of the whole pregnancy experience and being with his wife at the hospital and the moment of extreme joy when the baby is born. I wonder what else he might miss and if he is upset about it. He is not a too emotional guy, so even if he had a ting of sadness, not sure he would say anything. So other than that the gathering was fun. Thinking of having one of the couples over for new years... they dont have plans and if the situation keeps being the way it is, we have no plans. So yeah....
Saturday, December 3, 2011
The speed of molasses
So here I am today, prepping for a Christmas gathering turned bday party turned back to Christmas party. All because of a little boy named Sprout. It has been one roller-coaster ride of a week emotions wise. I am back on the upswing of this roller coaster. Things are looking goodish. As good as we could hope. His chance of coming home to us at any point is 50%. The reason it is so "low" is because it all depends on whether or not we hear if current Fmom is going to fight license revocation. We were supposed to hear yesterday, but our guy hadn't heard anything and wasn't able to get a hold of supervisor yesterday. From the brief convo hubby had with the guy at 5pm, he didn't sound like he was about to retry calling her, said he is in his office on monday. So we are hoping to hear something.
Last week was bad, we were so excited to be welcoming Sprout into our house. Monday the case seamed to have changed-or maybe our case manager said it in a way that lead us to believe that. We didn't hear from him till wednesday-and all he sent was an email saying "no news yet." My mom called later that day to get Christmas gift advice. She asked about the case I told her no news. Thursday we had thought we lost him. We just wanted to hear something. Yes/no. We were fine with saying goodbye to this boy we didn't really know. Thursday my mom called asking more xmas stuff. Said something about our case (can't remember exactly... but by then I just needed to let the tears out anyhow...) and I just started crying on the phone. My mom didn't get why I was upset, her comments really didn't comfort me either. She doesn't really know what this process is like, she knows what we tell her, but emotionally she doesn't know what it feels like. Emotionally it is like finding out your pregnant with a home test, going to the doctor and "oh maybe your pregnant. I'm leaning towards yes. Oh but this test came back bad. I donno you might be pregnant" That is as close as I can come to an explanation. It is hard. I am emotionally attached to this little boy. I want what is best for him. But at the end of the day it is hard. So I cried, let it out, moved on.
Now we are back at our holding pattern, waiting for news. I am still just wanting to know yes/no-but a different yes/no. Is she gonna fight it? Are we gonna get him?
Hoping to get off this roller coaster one way or the other this week-we will see...
Last week was bad, we were so excited to be welcoming Sprout into our house. Monday the case seamed to have changed-or maybe our case manager said it in a way that lead us to believe that. We didn't hear from him till wednesday-and all he sent was an email saying "no news yet." My mom called later that day to get Christmas gift advice. She asked about the case I told her no news. Thursday we had thought we lost him. We just wanted to hear something. Yes/no. We were fine with saying goodbye to this boy we didn't really know. Thursday my mom called asking more xmas stuff. Said something about our case (can't remember exactly... but by then I just needed to let the tears out anyhow...) and I just started crying on the phone. My mom didn't get why I was upset, her comments really didn't comfort me either. She doesn't really know what this process is like, she knows what we tell her, but emotionally she doesn't know what it feels like. Emotionally it is like finding out your pregnant with a home test, going to the doctor and "oh maybe your pregnant. I'm leaning towards yes. Oh but this test came back bad. I donno you might be pregnant" That is as close as I can come to an explanation. It is hard. I am emotionally attached to this little boy. I want what is best for him. But at the end of the day it is hard. So I cried, let it out, moved on.
Now we are back at our holding pattern, waiting for news. I am still just wanting to know yes/no-but a different yes/no. Is she gonna fight it? Are we gonna get him?
Hoping to get off this roller coaster one way or the other this week-we will see...
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Dear Sprout
I have been thinking about you alot. I can't believe I have thought so much about a little boy I haven't met or have seen a photo of. Things seam to be changing. That or we are reading to much into what our worker said. We hope we get to meet you, but ultimately we want what is best for you little man! We know that if your pulled from your foster home you'll have a hard time adjusting. We know you wont trust us. We are willing to endure these if we are lucky enough to care for you. I have been praying for you, praying that God would do what is best for you.
I am having a hard time waiting to find out either way, having been bugging the hubbs so much about what he thinks. I think he is trying to tell me what I want to hear, but really I want to know what he thinks is going to happen. He has thought that we probably won't get you, but has also put our chances at 50-75%... so I donno. We hope to hear tomorrow... our guy said at earliest it would be tomorrow..... so we are crossing fingers & toes!
I am having a hard time waiting to find out either way, having been bugging the hubbs so much about what he thinks. I think he is trying to tell me what I want to hear, but really I want to know what he thinks is going to happen. He has thought that we probably won't get you, but has also put our chances at 50-75%... so I donno. We hope to hear tomorrow... our guy said at earliest it would be tomorrow..... so we are crossing fingers & toes!
Really???!!
There has got to be a book or website or something to point people to when they say the stupidest thing... I am so amazed at the somewhat rude comments people have said to us. Unfortunately most of these people are the ones closest to us... our family. Maybe I am just seeing these as rude comments when they ment it to be constructive criticism.
When we told the fam about Sprout, we pretty much were bombarded with Your not prepared, your not ready type of comments. We have said we are ready, and we might be naive at saying this, but we are saying "we are prepared" while still fully knowing that really we don't know what we are getting into. I just thought it was rude that that was pretty much everyones first comment instead of congratulating us/asking more about Sprout.
The other OMG rude comment was the other day when I told someone close to me the updated case info. This person came back with " You know I think it would be easier if you were to be placed with a child just entering the sytem" compared to a child that has been with his momma for 2ish years, then a foster mom for about that long, then possible to us. Ummmm....ok.... we will just think that through maybe a little more. Yes getting a child just removed from the parents will be so much better.(sarcasm).
When we told the fam about Sprout, we pretty much were bombarded with Your not prepared, your not ready type of comments. We have said we are ready, and we might be naive at saying this, but we are saying "we are prepared" while still fully knowing that really we don't know what we are getting into. I just thought it was rude that that was pretty much everyones first comment instead of congratulating us/asking more about Sprout.
The other OMG rude comment was the other day when I told someone close to me the updated case info. This person came back with " You know I think it would be easier if you were to be placed with a child just entering the sytem" compared to a child that has been with his momma for 2ish years, then a foster mom for about that long, then possible to us. Ummmm....ok.... we will just think that through maybe a little more. Yes getting a child just removed from the parents will be so much better.(sarcasm).
Monday, November 28, 2011
What is told does not equal Actuality...
Hmmph-where do I start. First off I really need to work on not being such an open book, and so willing to tell people were we are at. Now if this doesn't go through, what will I say. OH MAN! So hubby called Chris to get some more definite info-which let me tell ya... that is one hard thing to get. I understand why... but I might want some info about why it is taking longer. I know ultimately it is for Sprout's best interest to for sure decide what needs to be done instead of just making willy nilly decisions.
The low down is our worker said last week that it is 95% certain they are pulling Sprout. Now we hear that it is undecided and we wont know any more until wednesday. Great.. I know they are tryint to choose what is best for Sprout, but it is hard to know that you got a few things for a little boy that we may never meet.
All I can do is pray. Pray for what is best for Sprout...
The low down is our worker said last week that it is 95% certain they are pulling Sprout. Now we hear that it is undecided and we wont know any more until wednesday. Great.. I know they are tryint to choose what is best for Sprout, but it is hard to know that you got a few things for a little boy that we may never meet.
All I can do is pray. Pray for what is best for Sprout...
Friday, November 25, 2011
Dear Sprout
Dear Sprout-
Today I went shopping for you. I bought you some things to open on your birthday and christmas. I bought some important stuff too. I hope I have an ok carseat for you. Your foster momma isn't working with her worker so I can have a safe chair for you. I am sorry you have to leave your foster momma, you must be so upset. I want to make this the best environment for you. You are all I have really been thinking about these last four days. I know there will be so many new people coming into your life, from family to church and friends. I hope I can be the momma you need. I am new at this and I know I will make mistakes. We are excited to meet you Sprout! I can't believe that day is right around the corner.
Today I went shopping for you. I bought you some things to open on your birthday and christmas. I bought some important stuff too. I hope I have an ok carseat for you. Your foster momma isn't working with her worker so I can have a safe chair for you. I am sorry you have to leave your foster momma, you must be so upset. I want to make this the best environment for you. You are all I have really been thinking about these last four days. I know there will be so many new people coming into your life, from family to church and friends. I hope I can be the momma you need. I am new at this and I know I will make mistakes. We are excited to meet you Sprout! I can't believe that day is right around the corner.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Dear Sprout
I have been thinking about you since our guy told us about you. I can't wait to be your mamma! I know it will be challenging at times, but I know we can overcome it together! Hoping monday gets here quick! Or at least our worker tells us on friday when we will meet you. You are joining us at a crazy time, so forgive us it we don't give all our attention to you! I cant beleive we get to celebrate your birthday AND christmas with you, thats so awesome!!
Friday, November 18, 2011
Still Waiting
We are still waiting to get matched. Same story different day I guess. So I have been keeping my hands and mind busy so I don't think about it to much. And it really is better now - eh somewhat I guess. In some ways I wish we had kept this whole process more to our selves because people (ehm.. other than my parents...whatever) ask us how the process is going when they see us. Which is fine, something to talk about, but it is hard cuz, well, we have the same response. Waiting...Still waiting...no news yet... Yeah you get the picture.
I did have some concerns that the reason we haven't even gotten a call is because they are going off our personal interest survey (pis for short ) and not our home-study for matching. Reason I am wondering is because on the pis form we said no to African american's because of ehm... my husband. But in our home-study we said it was ok because by then we had discussed it more and Hubby was a little more ok with it. So yeah. I think we also said some stuff we were ok with on our home-study after it was explained more that I think we were not ok with on the pis form. And we didnt get a chance to re-look it over and change it.
So some things I have been working on are... A plastic canvas snowman thing for the door - 95% done, ornaments for our friends kids - 50% done and a big project that I am just starting that I wont write since I know my sis reads this and it is for my mom. so I will share after christmas!
I did have some concerns that the reason we haven't even gotten a call is because they are going off our personal interest survey (pis for short ) and not our home-study for matching. Reason I am wondering is because on the pis form we said no to African american's because of ehm... my husband. But in our home-study we said it was ok because by then we had discussed it more and Hubby was a little more ok with it. So yeah. I think we also said some stuff we were ok with on our home-study after it was explained more that I think we were not ok with on the pis form. And we didnt get a chance to re-look it over and change it.
So some things I have been working on are... A plastic canvas snowman thing for the door - 95% done, ornaments for our friends kids - 50% done and a big project that I am just starting that I wont write since I know my sis reads this and it is for my mom. so I will share after christmas!
Sunday, November 13, 2011
I would die for that...
This is a really moving video that was forwarded to me as part of an IF support group a while back. Just listen to it. Lyrics are:
Jenny was my best friend.
Went away one summer.
Came back with a secret
She just couldn't keep.
A child inside her,
Was just too much for her
So she cried herself to sleep.
And she made a decision
Some find hard to accept.
To young to know that one day
She might live to regret.
But I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that she had.
I would die for that.
I've been given so much,
A husband that I love.
So why do I feel incomplete?
With every test and checkup
We're told not to give up.
He wonders if it's him.
And I wonder if it's me.
All I want is a family,
Like everyone else I see.
And I won't understand it
If it's not meant to be.
Cause I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that they have.
I would die for that.
And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
For that kind of love,
What I'd give up!
I would die for that.
Sometimes it's hard to conceive,
With all that I've got,
And all I've achieved,
What I want most
Before my time is gone,
Is to hear the words
"I love you, Mom."
I would die for that.
Just to have once chance
To hold in my hands
What so many have
I would die for that.
And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
How I would love
What some give up.
I would die ...
I would die for that.
I would die for That by Kellie Coffey
Went away one summer.
Came back with a secret
She just couldn't keep.
A child inside her,
Was just too much for her
So she cried herself to sleep.
And she made a decision
Some find hard to accept.
To young to know that one day
She might live to regret.
But I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that she had.
I would die for that.
I've been given so much,
A husband that I love.
So why do I feel incomplete?
With every test and checkup
We're told not to give up.
He wonders if it's him.
And I wonder if it's me.
All I want is a family,
Like everyone else I see.
And I won't understand it
If it's not meant to be.
Cause I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that they have.
I would die for that.
And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
For that kind of love,
What I'd give up!
I would die for that.
Sometimes it's hard to conceive,
With all that I've got,
And all I've achieved,
What I want most
Before my time is gone,
Is to hear the words
"I love you, Mom."
I would die for that.
Just to have once chance
To hold in my hands
What so many have
I would die for that.
And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
How I would love
What some give up.
I would die ...
I would die for that.
I would die for That by Kellie Coffey
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
I am driving Hubby nuts...
...I think. We still don't have a placement - and truthfully I am slightly surprised. The way it was made out in the pre-license classes is they were DESPERATE for foster families. Ah well I am trying to patiently wait for our call.. In The meantime I believe I am driving the hubbs nuts with asking if he thinks we are going to get called today? This week? When do you think were gonna get called? Yeah plain and simple...I am drivin him nuts :)
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Hmmph... I am having a hard time celebrating my friends placement. I know what it is. Lack of patience and slight jealousy. I generally am a patient person accept when it comes to events and stuff. I get my self over excited for what is to come. I used to get sick before trips as a child, they thought I would use up all my adrenaline and then get sick. Yeah... not fun.
I really want to get the show on the road. We have been through this process for almost the last year, and thats only the foster license process. That year does not include the year + that hubby and I have been discussing this as an option. I mean I was hemming and hawing about going to an RE a little over a year ago or just going forth with finding out about adoption. A certain someone I went to a retreat with knows what I am talking about.
Hmph - ok, any prayer warriers out there?? Please keep the hubbs and I in prayer, that I would find peace in our current place and that a child would be matched with us soon and that the child would be a good match for our family.
I really want to get the show on the road. We have been through this process for almost the last year, and thats only the foster license process. That year does not include the year + that hubby and I have been discussing this as an option. I mean I was hemming and hawing about going to an RE a little over a year ago or just going forth with finding out about adoption. A certain someone I went to a retreat with knows what I am talking about.
Hmph - ok, any prayer warriers out there?? Please keep the hubbs and I in prayer, that I would find peace in our current place and that a child would be matched with us soon and that the child would be a good match for our family.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Weirdness....Anxiety.....???
I'm weird, plain and simple. I really cant explain it fully either... I guess it is some jealousy mixed with anxiety mixed with lack of patience currently... hmmph. I hope we get matched soon. A fellow foster friend just got her first placement, a newborn kiddo. I want to say that I will appreciate and care for any kid that comes through our door, but in a small/tiny way I am hoping for a little bundle. I just hope we get matched soon- I am going bonkers waiting. I have been very busy with crafts to keep my mind at bay.. I just hope our match comes soon!!
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Mkay.. Guess I forgot bout the bloggy blog!!
I haven't blogged in about 10ish days. Hmm well nothing has really been going on. We are in a new phase of waiting. Oh, yeah so that means we got our license! Woot! So now we are back into waiting, buuuttt a different form of waiting. Er, ok that sounded lame, but you know what I mean. We are waiting to be contacted by a cw-either ours or some other worker who matched us with a child. So we will sit and wait, and work on patience! Oh also so my winner of my giveaway is my3sons!! So since I think I know who this is, I will contact you via fb to see what you want-a tea sample mix or a starbucks gc!! Oh and for those that may be wondering, we received our licence 10/25, but it was post dated 10/19 :/ Oh well. Oh also, hope to photograph/video record the kids room so y'all can see what it looks like :) Alright, I'm off to bed!
Monday, October 17, 2011
Um... great....
So we have possible/probably another week and weekend to our selves. Sent a quick note off to our guy this morning asking if we need to both be home to get the license since hubby has a sh*t ton of over time this week. His reply about an hour ago says that "unfortunately he developed an infection and "should" be back in the office next week". Humph. Maybe I am to over excited or maybe I am sad at how long this process has taken to get to here. Either way I am going to take a que from a fellow foster blogger friend. Guess the date closest to the date we actually will get our license and I will mail you a selection of tea from Fava Tea Company ( I like their carrot cake & cinnamon roll teas!) or a gift card for Starbucks. Sorry I am not a coffee drinker...so I don't have a favorite one!! hehe! Ok so comment below! Oh and I may have a surprise for anyone who guesses the closest date to call (whether we say yes or no) and/or placement.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Seriously...
Gah! Ok it seams like it has been one delay after the next on the state side of getting our license. Today's delay is um our caseworker had to have emergency surgery on sunday and is out for the week. Great... I guess another relaxing weekend shall be had. He "should" be able to get our license printed off to us on monday. So this rebrings up a fear of mine. It's not a fear fear but something I have been thinking about. And I guess I can't really put a why by this fear, just something I guess I am worried on how I will handle it. So I am affraid that we will get placed with a child like a day or two before a holiday (halloween, thanksgiving, christmas) or their birthday. I know it may seam like I am worrying about silly things, but that is how it is now...
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Preparation
So I have heard people talking about how pregnant they are with this foster stuff. I am not sure if I relate to this saying much, not sure why... But I would say I am worrying the way a 8-9 month preggo person would be. I am worrying at my skills. How I am going to be viewed by my choices to raise this other persons child, such as Cloth or disposable diapers? Pacifer vs. no pacifier. Fun toys or learning toys? Starting early learning at home through pre k activities? Gah! And I am still nervous at the actual unpreparedness material wise. I mean there is a good chance that we will be matched and have some time before placement, but there is always a chance of getting a recently detained child who will auto be on the adopto track because of family situations... (its hard to explain...) So in that case it could be a matter of a few hours between call and placement. So I am worried that I am gonna be stuck at home, not be able to get things until that evening when hubby comes home. But even then only one of us may be able to go, if the kiddo is smaller than we planned car seat wise (we just have a high back booster) I guess I need to get a support person. SOmeone from my fam/friend group that would be willing to run out for me and get the stuff we need. I think I would ultimately have a hard time with that as I try to be fairly self reliant... Ah well only time will tell. I can't beleive how close we are getting to getting our license then placement... :)
Vaca recap
The trip was a lot of fun for me. Hopefully hubby had as much fun. So a quick recap, we stomped the grounds thourally at the Mount. Looked into college building windows, became saddened by a few things we saw. We didnt go into the dorms, due to getting weird looks by a few adults...yeah... Went into the actual building, saw that they turned the FAC building site into a parking lot :( Also added a Walmart - wich seamed fairly out of place. Checked out the farm stand. Hubby made comments about their being 8 gas stations in the matter of a mile. We also went on two hikes. One through the reclaimed mines, and one through a farmlandish forestish area in ladysmith. Very nice trails-personally liked the reclaimed mine trail better, but we got some good pictures for xmas cards on the Sisters Farm Trail. Hmm, we also went to Rice Lake. I posted a picture of us on hwy 8 on our way to RL. I titled it on our way to RL, which ended up getting a few funny comments! The reason I posted the pictures is that I am amazed at the lack of traffic their was on hwy 8. Being used to this area it was odd to have such a long stretch of road with little to no traffic. Ok so in RL we went through the mall-took all of a half hour, only took that long because we went to Bath & Body Works ;) We also went through some of the downtown shops and went to Norske Nook. This place has a funny kinda inside joke between me, hubbs and a friend of mine, involving a pie... yeah that is as far as I will go!! Sunday we packed up early, drove out to Exeland and went to my second church. I got hugs by some old friends, reintroduced the hubby to people and chit chatted with some people. We had come to church on family sunday...not intentional. This family sunday they were having a chili donation lunch thing. We felt odd going to the chili lunch, so we skipped it. I feel bad in retro spec that we skipped the chili lunch, because we didn't get to chat with PT or others for more than a few minutes :/ Oh well, I am hoping to make it up there again next year. Maybe make a half week trip of it? Start out at the dells then up north.
On other news, our CW asked for yet more papers....He did say that he should be able to issue us our licence by next week. How does one take the "by next week" I have been asking myself and my hubby this exact question.... Hoping by next week means early next week? Ok so that is it on the update front.
On other news, our CW asked for yet more papers....He did say that he should be able to issue us our licence by next week. How does one take the "by next week" I have been asking myself and my hubby this exact question.... Hoping by next week means early next week? Ok so that is it on the update front.
Friday, September 30, 2011
A sad reality
Today the hubby and I are on our mini vaca. We will be until sunday. We drove to my second home, northern wisconsin. Ladysmith Wisconsin to be exact. I love it here for many reasons. For one it is where I grew up, not literally, but emotionally. It is hard to explain. I had a hard time with a lot of things in my later high school years. Relating with my parents was probably numero uno. That was why I tried my darndest to go to a school as far as I could, but still like the school. That is where Mount Senario College came in. It was a small private school originally run by a group of nuns then later run as a non-faith based school.
The years at the mount truely shaped me into the person I am today. Crazy I know. There are a couple of reasons. One I never connected with my born religion. I was catholic, went through the rituals of the catholic faith, went to a catholic high school, but again never felt a connection to continue in the faith. I was lost in may ways coming to the mount. I didn't have a faith or a higher power to beleive in. I found Christ's love through some soul searching and some really good friends. People I still talk to to this day. I don't rely on them as I did in my early christian walk, but they are there if I need them.
Another thing was just the bond of people who I didnt know and who didn't know me when I started. Not a single other soul from my HS town came to the mount the year I did. I had a fresh start. A fresh start to be the person I wanted to be, more outgoing and more of a people person. I am still no where near being a people person, why away from general chatting as I feel I would look like a fool to the other person. But I did open up a ton more than I had before I went to the mount.
So today was very bittersweet for me. I have come to Ladysmith a few times in the years I left. But no other time than today did I long to have that college time back, to do it better the second time. I know we all wish at some point to redo a time in our lives. It was very bittersweet to see the college the same but different. The college has been closed for the most part for ten years. Yes a private high school was tried and failed and a college was tried and failed. So for the most part it has sat empty for the last tenish years. This year if houses the Fine Arts Center & Gallery, a satellite campus of some sort is trying to start and it houses some offices in what used to be called the blue wing (the prez's office and stuff). The college for the most part looks like it did when I went there. Hubby and I peered into windows and saw desks and chairs in rows waiting to be used. We saw the caf with the remodeled kitchen due to a fire a year or two before they closed. We saw the chairs on tables. We saw something that didn't really surprise me, but defenatly saddened me to some degree. We saw the Library. There had been flooding issues in the school so the carpeting was torn out, but the bookcases were in the exact spot they were when I left. Sadder still all the bookcases still had the books on them. The card catalog center was still there and also the library checkout desk was still there. It looked like you could flick a light on and go back to business. We also got the very surreal experience of being in the main class building. That is where the FAC & Gallery was, inside the actual school building. I was pointing out all the little areas to hubby, saying "this was x, this was y, this was z" It was the first time since I left the school that I had stood inside the school. The few times we came up north, the school was closed so there was no ability to see inside. The dorms had also been pretty run down when I came to visit. I was surprised that after our little walk around my old campus, we were getting ready to leave and a bus load of foreign exchange kids come off the buss and go into the dorms. Instead of having "host families" the city is using the dorms as housing. Smart! I was impressed by how nice the campus was looking. But at the same time I was remembering that this really was a crappy school. Yes, I grew and developed but more in the emotional way through this school than in the educational side. It was hard to see the bitter sweetness of it all.
The years at the mount truely shaped me into the person I am today. Crazy I know. There are a couple of reasons. One I never connected with my born religion. I was catholic, went through the rituals of the catholic faith, went to a catholic high school, but again never felt a connection to continue in the faith. I was lost in may ways coming to the mount. I didn't have a faith or a higher power to beleive in. I found Christ's love through some soul searching and some really good friends. People I still talk to to this day. I don't rely on them as I did in my early christian walk, but they are there if I need them.
Another thing was just the bond of people who I didnt know and who didn't know me when I started. Not a single other soul from my HS town came to the mount the year I did. I had a fresh start. A fresh start to be the person I wanted to be, more outgoing and more of a people person. I am still no where near being a people person, why away from general chatting as I feel I would look like a fool to the other person. But I did open up a ton more than I had before I went to the mount.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Update
So another quickie update blog. Through some confusion about me thinking that I forgot to get back to my social worker I emailed him today. Everything is in order he says. I finished the report today he says. So now It goes to his boss for aproval and to the state in some way or another to. He thinks if everything goes well we could potentially have that license in our hot little hands sometime next week. Can ya give me a "Woot woot!" The thing with that means we could potentially be placed/matched with a kiddo shortly after that. We will be considered to have available beds (a crappy way to put it as having space for children). Although we will probably be "matched " with a child who is on the adoption track, there is a chance we could also be placed with a recently detained child. (another phrase I don't like) Detained sounds so horrible, like they did something wrong, which they didn't. Detained children are children that have been pulled out of the home for one reason or another. So this trip we are taking this weekend could really be our last alone trip with no kiddos. Other than Aruba this january. If we could take em we would, but there is no way the paperwork would get done it time, and also it is plan not allowed.
So I am getting nervous, and back to my "Am I ready" thinking. I still have a lot I want to do. I want to make an art bin, need to get a mattress liner, get a new blanket for the bed maybe. I also want to have things for this kid, like clothes and such. So I guess I will have to wait, at least until we get matched for age/gender/size stuff. Since I know the range of ages we said we are ok to and the likeliness of getting an older child in our range I have started compiling free printables for working on basic preschool and kindergarten things, like writting letters, colors, numbers and the such.
Ok I am done with the update. Hopeing the week goes fast, the weekend goes slow, and next week goes fast! lol!!
Friday, September 23, 2011
Update... I wish
There isn't really much to update. I am still waiting for word that our license is done. I contacted our guy a few days ago and he seamed a little piturbed that I contacted him... Hmph. I was excited at getting our license done maybe by the end of September but it sounds like there is absolutely no possibility of that. He will "shoot for october". Great.... that means most likely end of october. I am kinda upset that it will be even longer. I hate this waiting game. Some people I have talked to are surprised that we are still waiting for our license completion since we sent our initial interest forms in early april. I am hoping to relax a little on a trip next week. We are taking a little trip to northern Wisconsin. I am looking forward to it.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Is it better to...
Portray Christ's love through actions to non-believers or to push the word down their throats? That is the question of the night. I am going to try to not poke judgement at anyone, but a few people who may read this will know who I am referencing.
This past weekend we went to a party for Hubby's uncle's birthday. It was a really nice gathering, some people we knew and a lot we didn't. But that was ok. One family member in particular has a tendency to be preoccupied on converting non-believers. Now, in general I don't have an issue with trying to convert people to a faith. But it is one thing to repetitively push down the facts of the bible down peoples throats and tell them that they are going to hell if they don't believe, and another to show christianity through your actions.
Ok, so maybe I need to give my view of converting people here. And religion in general. I will freely admit I have back sliden in my beliefs. I am not as strong a christian as I was in college, when I first got saved (or accepted Christ into my heart (whichever one you prefer...)). I know what the bible says about going to hell if your not saved. I also know what the bible says about being a friend to the friend less, helping the helpless and so on. In my personal view (which some people may not agree with, and I am ok with that... but just hear me out) you can be whatever faith you want to be. If you believe in a higher power-great! If not, I can help you understand a little more the christian faith, but I don't want to force anyone to believe something. You need to feel it in your heart. Also just because you don't "visually" practice (go to church, etc.) doesn't mean a person doesn't believe. I have become so much more understanding of people and their faith's over the years. I personally went from not really knowing whats out there but being raised catholic, going to catholic HS, celebrating catholic "rituals" then going to college and finding out you can have a personal relationship with Christ. Was never taught that in catholic church. In college became "born again" (I don't exactly like that term) and was baptized as an adult into the faith. I have been practicing the bible believing christian faith since then. But ultimately if you tell me one day that your Jewish or Islamic or Mormon I will say ok and be the best friend I can be to you.
I think the best way to "convert" someone to the faith is to be an example. To show Christ's immeasurable love. To just be a good person. I am not sure if this made sense to a lot of people. But this has been on my mind of late. Also just because it is really hard to enjoy the holidays and such with this person because you can't just celebrate. If it's family gathering time it is "unclean converting time." Which saddens me. Hubby hasn't really been able to just have fun or hang out with this family member because every time we are in the same place with this person it is share the gospel and convert time. Ok my rant is done.
This past weekend we went to a party for Hubby's uncle's birthday. It was a really nice gathering, some people we knew and a lot we didn't. But that was ok. One family member in particular has a tendency to be preoccupied on converting non-believers. Now, in general I don't have an issue with trying to convert people to a faith. But it is one thing to repetitively push down the facts of the bible down peoples throats and tell them that they are going to hell if they don't believe, and another to show christianity through your actions.
Ok, so maybe I need to give my view of converting people here. And religion in general. I will freely admit I have back sliden in my beliefs. I am not as strong a christian as I was in college, when I first got saved (or accepted Christ into my heart (whichever one you prefer...)). I know what the bible says about going to hell if your not saved. I also know what the bible says about being a friend to the friend less, helping the helpless and so on. In my personal view (which some people may not agree with, and I am ok with that... but just hear me out) you can be whatever faith you want to be. If you believe in a higher power-great! If not, I can help you understand a little more the christian faith, but I don't want to force anyone to believe something. You need to feel it in your heart. Also just because you don't "visually" practice (go to church, etc.) doesn't mean a person doesn't believe. I have become so much more understanding of people and their faith's over the years. I personally went from not really knowing whats out there but being raised catholic, going to catholic HS, celebrating catholic "rituals" then going to college and finding out you can have a personal relationship with Christ. Was never taught that in catholic church. In college became "born again" (I don't exactly like that term) and was baptized as an adult into the faith. I have been practicing the bible believing christian faith since then. But ultimately if you tell me one day that your Jewish or Islamic or Mormon I will say ok and be the best friend I can be to you.
I think the best way to "convert" someone to the faith is to be an example. To show Christ's immeasurable love. To just be a good person. I am not sure if this made sense to a lot of people. But this has been on my mind of late. Also just because it is really hard to enjoy the holidays and such with this person because you can't just celebrate. If it's family gathering time it is "unclean converting time." Which saddens me. Hubby hasn't really been able to just have fun or hang out with this family member because every time we are in the same place with this person it is share the gospel and convert time. Ok my rant is done.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Status Update: Still Waiting...
Yeah we are still waiting. Havent gotten any calls/emails from our guy asking stuff he forgot. So fingers and toes crossed it is going as it should. I plan to shoot him an email in a few days asking about status. I dont want to be a pest since he is busy but I also dont want to seem like all of a sudden I'm not as interested. Dunno.
Other news the hubbs and I are planning to take a trip up north - Ladysmith to be exact. I am so excited about it! I havent been to my old stomping grounds since right before my wedding when we met up with the pastor who was going to do our wedding. So excited!!! Hoping to meet up with some friends from my college days, but I nothing is planned yet, so who knows. I would be fine just checking out how the town has developed and taking some hikes and stuff. I am excited but also feel like an ass in some ways. First off we are leaving the day my cousin in NJ is getting married. We said no to their wedding because it would be to much money for us-easily close to $1000 for plane tickets and resort room rental. Hrmph. I would have loved to go because I am actually closer to those cousins than the rest of my ousins. I went out to his sisters wedding two years ago (also my cousin, obvs!) but the trip was pretty much paid for by my aunt & uncle. I am sure their wedding will be beautiful though! My parents are going, since their at the cape now anyhow, so I am sure I will see pics. One other thing I feel like an ass about is not going to my sil's shower. I have gone over why I am not going, but at some aspect I feel like a turd for not going. But know it would be in my best interest to not go. So I will be spending one of our last childless weekends enjoying ourselves up north. That is also when we should get our license hopefully...
Oh also one other thing- we picked up a dresser that Hubby's aunt repainted for us. It is nice! A lot of small drawers and some regular sized drawers. The room is shaping up. Got an "eh ok" lamp from mil. it doesnt match our style or anything in the room really but I feel bad giving it to GW. She also gave us a cute teddy bear and some other "stuff". I want to get some shelving for the wall to maybe display pictures on and get/do art work for the room walls. Eventually hubby is going to redo the closet with shelves and stuff, thats down the road though.
Other news the hubbs and I are planning to take a trip up north - Ladysmith to be exact. I am so excited about it! I havent been to my old stomping grounds since right before my wedding when we met up with the pastor who was going to do our wedding. So excited!!! Hoping to meet up with some friends from my college days, but I nothing is planned yet, so who knows. I would be fine just checking out how the town has developed and taking some hikes and stuff. I am excited but also feel like an ass in some ways. First off we are leaving the day my cousin in NJ is getting married. We said no to their wedding because it would be to much money for us-easily close to $1000 for plane tickets and resort room rental. Hrmph. I would have loved to go because I am actually closer to those cousins than the rest of my ousins. I went out to his sisters wedding two years ago (also my cousin, obvs!) but the trip was pretty much paid for by my aunt & uncle. I am sure their wedding will be beautiful though! My parents are going, since their at the cape now anyhow, so I am sure I will see pics. One other thing I feel like an ass about is not going to my sil's shower. I have gone over why I am not going, but at some aspect I feel like a turd for not going. But know it would be in my best interest to not go. So I will be spending one of our last childless weekends enjoying ourselves up north. That is also when we should get our license hopefully...
Oh also one other thing- we picked up a dresser that Hubby's aunt repainted for us. It is nice! A lot of small drawers and some regular sized drawers. The room is shaping up. Got an "eh ok" lamp from mil. it doesnt match our style or anything in the room really but I feel bad giving it to GW. She also gave us a cute teddy bear and some other "stuff". I want to get some shelving for the wall to maybe display pictures on and get/do art work for the room walls. Eventually hubby is going to redo the closet with shelves and stuff, thats down the road though.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Taking the path not traveled
Ok, to start out this is my second time writing this post. Somehow it didn't actually keep the body of the post when I hit publish.
So hubby & I have taken the path not traveled often, or at least it seams that way. The first is that we slept together before we got married. That wasn't to bad on his side. But my side it was a touchy topic. Being raised catholic, that is a no no. Personally my view on living with someone once your engaged is fine, or even in a long term relationship is ok. The other thing we have not taken the beaten path with is buying a condo. Ok so maybe this isn't such a biggie. But it puts in interesting convos about the board or just different aspects that my parents and we had never dealt with before. The other one is probably obvious: the f2a business. It is just so different from what so many of our family is used to for building a family.The other thing with this is the things you miss out on. Ok, people who have read the posts two down will say WHAT? Is she a hypocrit? maybe I am. The things that we are missing most is the people celebrating with you through things like a shower or something. In some ways I wish we would have a foster parent prep party/shower. Not just because of the gifts (although that is nice) but also the love and encouragement that you receive through those things. Although I think alot of people would be uneasy if they were invited to such a thing, being new and all to them. I donno. Maybe my insomnia brain is working overtime or something. I know I didn't fully explain myself with most of these things, if you would like to discuss lemme know.
So hubby & I have taken the path not traveled often, or at least it seams that way. The first is that we slept together before we got married. That wasn't to bad on his side. But my side it was a touchy topic. Being raised catholic, that is a no no. Personally my view on living with someone once your engaged is fine, or even in a long term relationship is ok. The other thing we have not taken the beaten path with is buying a condo. Ok so maybe this isn't such a biggie. But it puts in interesting convos about the board or just different aspects that my parents and we had never dealt with before. The other one is probably obvious: the f2a business. It is just so different from what so many of our family is used to for building a family.The other thing with this is the things you miss out on. Ok, people who have read the posts two down will say WHAT? Is she a hypocrit? maybe I am. The things that we are missing most is the people celebrating with you through things like a shower or something. In some ways I wish we would have a foster parent prep party/shower. Not just because of the gifts (although that is nice) but also the love and encouragement that you receive through those things. Although I think alot of people would be uneasy if they were invited to such a thing, being new and all to them. I donno. Maybe my insomnia brain is working overtime or something. I know I didn't fully explain myself with most of these things, if you would like to discuss lemme know.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
I'm Level 85!!
Ok, so this may actually not matter to most of you...But I reached lvl 85 in World of Warcraft earlier this week. Thought I'd post a picture of my toon!
9/1/11
Ok so I don't exactly know what to title this post. This post is going to talk about my emotions and how I have been trying to choose happy mental health things over things that drag me down. More specifically a situation that has come to the forfront. Some people who are reading this will know what I am about to talk about.
I have chosen to not go to my sil's shower because it is mentally very hard for me. Now I am not doing this with a smile on my face and laughter. I am very sorry that I am not going. But in the end I told her it is in my better interest to not go.
Since finding out we couldn't have kids I have been invited to 3.5 baby showers. This will be the fourth. The half is a gift thing/dinner/end of group party for bible study so it wasn't a true shower. I have attending two other actual showers. Both were so hard for me. The first one I totally broke down before the shower even started. I had to calm myself down and put on a happy face. The other shower I was fine until the drive home, then I broke down. Both of those were 8+ months ago. The dinner/gift thing was a few months back and I was fine because it was not focused on baby. Just a gift presentation.
Some people may say I have not moved on. This is a loss that I don't think I will fully move on from. I have moved on from a lot. I have accepted that this was not my fault, there was nothing I could have done to prevent this. I have moved on from being bitter about people who are pregnant. Moved on for the most part on breaking down when someone announces their pregnancy. I have accepted that this is God's plan for me. I have accepted the sadness that my husband will not be a parent to a bio child of his own. I have really accepted and moved on from a lot of it.
The reason I chose to not to go to showers is because it is a loss of experiences. Shower's are focused all about the baby and the mother and the pregnancy. And it just reminds me of what I will never have. I will never experience those things.
I will say that I am trying to see the peoples sides. I am trying to see how this may show how I haven't moved on and so on.
I donno, I mean I feel bad for not going but don't I also have a right to protect my heart? Also I do plan to have her over and give her gifts for her little one. Leave a comment below if you have one!
I have chosen to not go to my sil's shower because it is mentally very hard for me. Now I am not doing this with a smile on my face and laughter. I am very sorry that I am not going. But in the end I told her it is in my better interest to not go.
Since finding out we couldn't have kids I have been invited to 3.5 baby showers. This will be the fourth. The half is a gift thing/dinner/end of group party for bible study so it wasn't a true shower. I have attending two other actual showers. Both were so hard for me. The first one I totally broke down before the shower even started. I had to calm myself down and put on a happy face. The other shower I was fine until the drive home, then I broke down. Both of those were 8+ months ago. The dinner/gift thing was a few months back and I was fine because it was not focused on baby. Just a gift presentation.
Some people may say I have not moved on. This is a loss that I don't think I will fully move on from. I have moved on from a lot. I have accepted that this was not my fault, there was nothing I could have done to prevent this. I have moved on from being bitter about people who are pregnant. Moved on for the most part on breaking down when someone announces their pregnancy. I have accepted that this is God's plan for me. I have accepted the sadness that my husband will not be a parent to a bio child of his own. I have really accepted and moved on from a lot of it.
The reason I chose to not to go to showers is because it is a loss of experiences. Shower's are focused all about the baby and the mother and the pregnancy. And it just reminds me of what I will never have. I will never experience those things.
I will say that I am trying to see the peoples sides. I am trying to see how this may show how I haven't moved on and so on.
I donno, I mean I feel bad for not going but don't I also have a right to protect my heart? Also I do plan to have her over and give her gifts for her little one. Leave a comment below if you have one!
Finished...sorta
This past Tuesday was our last visit with our CW Chris. Well our last until our license is approved. Then there is a monthly visit, pretty much to insure that our house is still a safe environment. They will check smoke detectors, etc. So now we are back to the waiting part....I hate the waiting parts. At least now I have a contact and will be able to check with him to see what the status is. Next step is for Chris to write a report based on our home study and submit it for approval to his boss. He tells us he see's no issue with it passing and us getting approved. He says he is 99.99% sure we will get it. Great... I am freaking out about that .01%. I know I shouldn't, but failure is a thing I think about along with everyday things, so why would this be any different. Other thing that worries me is that he still freaking didn't give us a date of license finalization. Grrr. He said he will try his hardest to get the report done by the end of September, but he only works three days a week, goes to school and has other couples he is working on home studies for. I am hoping that he gets it done by then. So in recap:
- Signing 100ish papers... Done!
- Home study Meetings...Done!
-State mandated pre-license classes...Done!
Now we just have to wait for the license and final approval and then placement!
-Oh side note for those interested: we did end up saying yes to all races, 0-6 age range and up to to of same gender. We also said moderate on emotional/behavioral and low on physical issues. Mostly due to fact we have stairs and we do not have a very handicap friendly house. Ok so that should wrap this up!
- Signing 100ish papers... Done!
- Home study Meetings...Done!
-State mandated pre-license classes...Done!
Now we just have to wait for the license and final approval and then placement!
-Oh side note for those interested: we did end up saying yes to all races, 0-6 age range and up to to of same gender. We also said moderate on emotional/behavioral and low on physical issues. Mostly due to fact we have stairs and we do not have a very handicap friendly house. Ok so that should wrap this up!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Updateroo!
So I ment to write the update a few days ago-obviously that didn't happen. I have been a little to busy playing WoW with the hubbs... The update is both possitive and negativeish, but still an update :)
This past monday we met with Chris again and did more interview stuff. Ok serious side note here-if you want to strengthin your marraige, have someone ask you the interview questions we were asked. THey ask things like how is your marriage, how do you fight, how do you over come arguments and so on. Strengths and weaknesses of your partner, ect. So ok, back, we had Chris over for about an hour, asked us more questions. TOld us hubby's physical sheet was in, but mine was not (damn you hospital!!) And said that he thinks we only need ONE MORE MEETING!!! woot woot! So that meeting is scheduled for this coming tuesday. Then he has a certain amount of time to get his paper work in and then our license is given. Honestly I have no idea how the process on his end goes. He plans to explain at our next meeting and give us an estimated date of license approval. We asked him last week what he thinks the time line is for us to get our license, and he didn't have a timeline for us yet... Which kinda worries me especially since Erathora has had a estimated date since like half way through her process.Grrr!! Hubby says "why does it matter" And I say because I want to be prepared for that call... So the not so happy thing with this is still the ethnic aspect of it all and hubbies disagreement. He really has it ingrained somewhere somehow that "colored people" are bad. At least that is what I am making of it. He is still hemming and hawing about saying yes to being open to an african american person. He has sorta said yes to our CW, so I donno. He wants to wait to see where this all goes, but my problem with that is I have a very hard time with the possibility of being presented with a child and everything matches except hubbies choice of skin color, and saying no to this child because of their skin. I knowq having a biracial/ethnic child in the family will be hard for some family members, but at the same time why does skin color matter. Grr ok I am probably seeing this with rose colored glasses so if anyone has input-please input! I even had our women's group pray about it. This month was more of a book club meet so it wasn't bible studyish, but I felt it was important because it was causinga divide. So it was prayed over at the meeting. I feel better about it all being in God's hands, and he knows best, but still my mind is over thinking the situation..
On a happier note I guess to end the update, we gave in and bought a pack n play. Just a basic one. And actually no complaint from the hubby since it was at his favorite store (menards) so yeah!! it was cheap to- $35, so it wan't to bad and it is brand new, not like the ones I would have gotten off craigslist. Ok well hope everyones weekend is good. I have been invited to invade guys night since they need an extra player for Axes & Allies. Gotta read up on how to play :)
This past monday we met with Chris again and did more interview stuff. Ok serious side note here-if you want to strengthin your marraige, have someone ask you the interview questions we were asked. THey ask things like how is your marriage, how do you fight, how do you over come arguments and so on. Strengths and weaknesses of your partner, ect. So ok, back, we had Chris over for about an hour, asked us more questions. TOld us hubby's physical sheet was in, but mine was not (damn you hospital!!) And said that he thinks we only need ONE MORE MEETING!!! woot woot! So that meeting is scheduled for this coming tuesday. Then he has a certain amount of time to get his paper work in and then our license is given. Honestly I have no idea how the process on his end goes. He plans to explain at our next meeting and give us an estimated date of license approval. We asked him last week what he thinks the time line is for us to get our license, and he didn't have a timeline for us yet... Which kinda worries me especially since Erathora has had a estimated date since like half way through her process.Grrr!! Hubby says "why does it matter" And I say because I want to be prepared for that call... So the not so happy thing with this is still the ethnic aspect of it all and hubbies disagreement. He really has it ingrained somewhere somehow that "colored people" are bad. At least that is what I am making of it. He is still hemming and hawing about saying yes to being open to an african american person. He has sorta said yes to our CW, so I donno. He wants to wait to see where this all goes, but my problem with that is I have a very hard time with the possibility of being presented with a child and everything matches except hubbies choice of skin color, and saying no to this child because of their skin. I knowq having a biracial/ethnic child in the family will be hard for some family members, but at the same time why does skin color matter. Grr ok I am probably seeing this with rose colored glasses so if anyone has input-please input! I even had our women's group pray about it. This month was more of a book club meet so it wasn't bible studyish, but I felt it was important because it was causinga divide. So it was prayed over at the meeting. I feel better about it all being in God's hands, and he knows best, but still my mind is over thinking the situation..
On a happier note I guess to end the update, we gave in and bought a pack n play. Just a basic one. And actually no complaint from the hubby since it was at his favorite store (menards) so yeah!! it was cheap to- $35, so it wan't to bad and it is brand new, not like the ones I would have gotten off craigslist. Ok well hope everyones weekend is good. I have been invited to invade guys night since they need an extra player for Axes & Allies. Gotta read up on how to play :)
Sunday, August 21, 2011
32 by 32
So yeah, by bday was few days ago. I wanted to make a list of "goals" to do before my next bday. This is kinda along the 101 things in 1001 days, but less goals/days. If you notice a lot of the goals are crafty related, I wanted to get back to my craftiness!
1. Digiscrap from 2005 on (um, yes that is quit a goal...)
2. Take an intro to quilting class
3. Go to an Admirals game
4. Go to a Brewer's game
5. Knit something for myself
6. Volounteer / Serve for 1hr/ month
7. Read 60 Books
8. Go to Art Museum
9. Update Recipe Binder
10. Take more photos on SLR camera
11. Create & maintain a weekly meal plan for at least 6 months (doesn't have to be consecutive)
12. Make a self worth/self esteem poster
13. Create a list of 100 things that make me happy
14. Host one holiday at our house
15. Sew something for myself
16. Sew Pillow covers for LR couch pillows
17. Make a subway art poster and hang it
18. Find wall decor for LR/DR
19. Start up Etsy store
20. Make 2nd BR cozy for a kid
21. See a Broadway play
22. Bring back date night
23. Have a garage sale
24. Design our Christmas cards
25. Find out what excersize I actually like
26. Learn to embroider
27. Enjoy whatever time God gives us with F2A
28. Organize & back up digital photos
29. Memorize 1 Bible verse per month (minimum... I am bad at this...)
30. Help Mom/ Get Mom to make slip covers for couch arms
31. Take a free online class
32. Go camping at least once (really I hope this number is closer to 3 or 4, but hubby hates camping so it is like pulling teeth to get him to go!!)
Respite Care
Ok, this is my third blog today, and I have one more planned-maybe I should combine blogs??? who knows. So at our first class and our last class we talked a little about respite care. Both times our Foster Mom/Teacher said she has never put her kids in "official" respite care, but has relied on other family friends or foster friends to watch her kidos if needed. Her reasoning is quite valid actually. You wouldn't leave your kids with just anyone-would you? Usually you dont know the foster family that cssw chose for respite. Ok so this is all well and good, but that totally makes me feel like an a hole for figuring out how respite will work for us since I will probably be using more than the 7 days allowed through the state. I am not changing my out of country plans just because we are placed with a child (or 2). Call me cruel call me mean call me whatever. I know you would normally not plan to be out of the country around the time your child is born, but it is a little different when you don't know when that child will be coming to live in your home. I do feel like a horrible person for having to say that I need respite for 8ish maybe 9 days so I can go to Aruba with the fam. Our cw already knows that we will need respite, but everything I have heard from foster parents is pretty much respite is a frowned upon thing. I dunno. It will most likely have been to short a time (1-2ish months) so I also don't want to throw them back into the trauma of someone else leaving them even though I really am not. I already know that I will be calling them daily to check up and remind them of our love for them. And I feel awful asking our friends if they would be willing to watch or new f2a kiddo for 8ish days. I mean that is something any parent would have a super hard time with I would think.
In Preperation
Ok, so this is just mostly a picture post, skip over if not interested!! I wanted to share how the kids room is shaping up. I haven't taken pics of the room, but here are webby pics of the things we have gotten. BTW, do you know how hard it is to find gender neutral bedding?? Oh man. So we went more boyish on the gn bedding. But oh well. We will probably allow kiddo to get a different comforter if they really hate it since it is just a duvet from Ikea ($20). So here goes!
We also spent an hour going to two stores and hemming and hawing the benefits of getting either a booster with a 5point harness (for lower weight kids) or a standard high back booster (for higher wt kids) we opted for the high back booster. If we have to get a standard car seat we will get one, but the high back should cover a fair amount of age/height/weight combos. Target is being a jerk and not letting me copy the pic, so here is the linky. Oh and whats up with the no gn car seats yo? This one is a gn as possible. (not) http://www.target.com/Graco-1771040-Highback-Booster-Baldwin/dp/B004VMT5KY/ref=sc_qi_detaillink
 |
| Bedding |
 |
| Toy closet/bookshelf. Picture this without the cabinet doors on top, that's what we got :) |
 |
| Blanket to match sorta |
 |
| Super duper cute bath mat! |
A hubby Funny
Yesterday hubby and I did some "kiddo" shopping. Not alot, just the stuff I had talked about getting like a bedding set and toy box/book shelf type of thing. We were at IKEA when the funny happened. (side note: holy busy batman! I have been there twice now and both times were crazy busy) Ok so we were in the kid "section" of the store as we are deciding whether we wanted one style toy box or a bookcase system with drawers. If you have ever been to ikea you know it is only somewhat organized. Ok so we are looking at the shelfy things and hubby spots these little plastic potty chairs. "Really, kids poop in those until their potty trained?" Yes that would be what he said. Yes I know my hubby has a lot to learn about parenting (as do I) but really hubbs?? (sarcasm) Sometimes I am just amazed at what little information about kids he knows! This will be one roller coaster of a ride!!
Friday, August 19, 2011
Happy 31st?
So yesterday was my birthday. It was a nice day, and went out for dinner with the hubbs. But I was in a mood. I was still over thinking the things that were said to me the night before. Needless to say I have come to discover in a round about way that my mom is not too supportive of us pursuing foster to adopt. She didn't out right say it (so some assumption on my part here) but the things she brought up and the way she brought them up lead me to believe this. I wrote on this more yesterday. I had to write out my feelings, I was pretty upset. I needed time to think it out beforehand so I wouldn't come off as a total b*tch. So read yesterdays post if you want a more inside look at it.
Ok, so other than that my birthday was fairly decent. I can't believe I'm 31.. sheesh I'm old! I am looking forward to what this year will bring hubby & I. :)
Ok, so other than that my birthday was fairly decent. I can't believe I'm 31.. sheesh I'm old! I am looking forward to what this year will bring hubby & I. :)
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Dear Somebody...
How do I start. I was really hurt by the few comments you made yesterday. We were supposed to be celebrating my birthday. And for the most part it was a nice dinner out, and I appreciate you taking us out, but sometimes I wish you could just be happy for me. Maybe I am being over sensitive, but telling me that you wish I found a job I like, or telling me how I should really watch what I am eating and not eat the things hubby is eating and continually telling me (that night at least) that raising kids is hard, that raising these special kids will be so hard and just your general beleif that I am not patient enough. WHO THE F ARE TRYING TO BE? I am a frickin adult but I melt again to a little kid every time you make a "constructive criticism". Can't you just be happy for me, for us and leave it at that and maybe say oh wow not sure how you can do that because xyz. Not 3-5 times in one flippin meal. Gosh. I mean yes I know I have to loose weight, or eat better, or starve myself. whatever works. I know that raising a foster child WILL NOT be easy, this I am very aware of. I have confidence in myself that I/we can do it though. And really at this point it is our only option to start a family. I want a family, I want to have to be responsible for these kids. I just wish you could be happy for me. Couldn't you tell we are excited? Why do you have to squash our happiness? Also what right do you have to compair these kids that we are going to help to R's kids. They are totally different people. R's kids have never been in the situations that these children will be in, so again what right do you have to compare apples to oranges??
And also, really criticize what I eat is so not gonna help me loose weight. It is gonna make me either yo-yo diet, cycle through starve/binge or constant dieting. I know what I should shouldn't eat. I choose to eat not great because of many reasons. Being so critical of my weight really makes me more insecure of how I look which isn't good. Do you know that I am so insecure about eating that I hate eating alone at restaurants. Yeah.. Its not all your fault I know, but you have attributed to alot of my self image stuff. Also thanks for being soo supportive of me being a stay at home mom. Why can't you just be happy for me, really. All I have wanted in this process is someone to lean on and for you to be happy for us, but it seams like neither have happened... Can you please just be happy with out all the extra opinions and bs, please...
And also, really criticize what I eat is so not gonna help me loose weight. It is gonna make me either yo-yo diet, cycle through starve/binge or constant dieting. I know what I should shouldn't eat. I choose to eat not great because of many reasons. Being so critical of my weight really makes me more insecure of how I look which isn't good. Do you know that I am so insecure about eating that I hate eating alone at restaurants. Yeah.. Its not all your fault I know, but you have attributed to alot of my self image stuff. Also thanks for being soo supportive of me being a stay at home mom. Why can't you just be happy for me, really. All I have wanted in this process is someone to lean on and for you to be happy for us, but it seams like neither have happened... Can you please just be happy with out all the extra opinions and bs, please...
Monday, August 15, 2011
View from the Hubby
So here is the view from my hubby.. be nice!
My wife actually summarizes my point of view brilliantly with lines starting with "the newest thing...". I was thinking about it today and I'm more open to any ethnicity now, but I would really like to adopt either an only child or the only two brothers or sisters. It just does not seem fair for one child to grow up in a higher socioeconomic status, in a better neighborhood with better schools and more opportunities compared to another sibling. I can see it creating animosity and jealousy and leading to stealing and begging. We are not in a position to be able to fix a whole large family. I know we can not at this point, and probably not for a long time or ever, adopt more than two children. We can't know of course, if the birthmother would have additional children later, but that seems more distant and less likely to cause problems than the divide of brothers or sisters around the same age.
In my view, there are two types of foster couples, and I would think the majority would fall into the first type. The first type has had biological child(ren) already, and once they are at least somewhat grown up, the couple decides to open their hearts and homes to one or more additional children. This helps with two aspects, first of all, they've been through parenting before; they have the experience, and they probably have the furniture, clothes, toys, etc as well. Second, they are older and in a better financial position to be able to support many foster children. The other type of foster couple is the first-time-parent couple. Not only do we have all the worries of never being parents before, we have the additional foster-specific worries. I worry about problems with the birthmother relationship, I worry about the adoption falling apart, I worry about unknown emotional or behavioral issues coming up. Can we deal with them, probably so, but we have to think more long-term than foster-only parents. We are, after all, looking for the next generation of our family.
My wife actually summarizes my point of view brilliantly with lines starting with "the newest thing...". I was thinking about it today and I'm more open to any ethnicity now, but I would really like to adopt either an only child or the only two brothers or sisters. It just does not seem fair for one child to grow up in a higher socioeconomic status, in a better neighborhood with better schools and more opportunities compared to another sibling. I can see it creating animosity and jealousy and leading to stealing and begging. We are not in a position to be able to fix a whole large family. I know we can not at this point, and probably not for a long time or ever, adopt more than two children. We can't know of course, if the birthmother would have additional children later, but that seems more distant and less likely to cause problems than the divide of brothers or sisters around the same age.
In my view, there are two types of foster couples, and I would think the majority would fall into the first type. The first type has had biological child(ren) already, and once they are at least somewhat grown up, the couple decides to open their hearts and homes to one or more additional children. This helps with two aspects, first of all, they've been through parenting before; they have the experience, and they probably have the furniture, clothes, toys, etc as well. Second, they are older and in a better financial position to be able to support many foster children. The other type of foster couple is the first-time-parent couple. Not only do we have all the worries of never being parents before, we have the additional foster-specific worries. I worry about problems with the birthmother relationship, I worry about the adoption falling apart, I worry about unknown emotional or behavioral issues coming up. Can we deal with them, probably so, but we have to think more long-term than foster-only parents. We are, after all, looking for the next generation of our family.
Rant on Bias
Ok, total rant ahead. Mostly against my hubby to, which I try really hard not to do on this blog. But tonight/today his bias to things REALLY came to a head.
I do not feel I am to biased on the choice of race ect for our foster 2 adopt kiddo. I know that I do NOT want an ICWA kiddo (indian kiddo) because of the risk that an indian tribe may try to claim that child as their own at anytime up until the day of legal adoption. That is way to much risk for me. Having a child placed, then ICWA notified and them doing nothing until the day before my child becomes mine legally, and deciding that they would be better off raised on an indian reservation somewhere else in the state is not what I want to deal with. Other than this I feel I am open (medical issues I am fairly set on what I am not open to). Maybe my bias's are so buried that I don't really know if it is a bias, but for now I am gonna assume I don't have bias's. My thought and phrase I have mentioned to hubby is "A child in need is a child in need no matter the race." I have briefly mentioned before the african american side of things, the newest is he is thinking he only wants a singleton or a lone sibling group (like those are the only two siblings) because he doesn't want to deal with the cultural/socio economic aspect of having to deal with explaining why we have more money than their other sibs and the possible ecouragement of theivery by their not wealthy sibs. And then he brings up inheritance. Really hubbs, really? And how the other sibs of the f2a kid may abuse/mis treat adult kid when we are gone because they have all this inheritance. um ok. I guess that is something to think about, but in general I would hope our kid (who would be 50+ ish) would know how to handle themselves in such a situation. It just really erks me, sometimes I think "did you really think of how this would be before we signed up..." Maybe I am looking to much at the roses and not enough at the thorns, but I really think that his bias is not good. hmmph, maybe I can get hubbs to blog his side...
I do not feel I am to biased on the choice of race ect for our foster 2 adopt kiddo. I know that I do NOT want an ICWA kiddo (indian kiddo) because of the risk that an indian tribe may try to claim that child as their own at anytime up until the day of legal adoption. That is way to much risk for me. Having a child placed, then ICWA notified and them doing nothing until the day before my child becomes mine legally, and deciding that they would be better off raised on an indian reservation somewhere else in the state is not what I want to deal with. Other than this I feel I am open (medical issues I am fairly set on what I am not open to). Maybe my bias's are so buried that I don't really know if it is a bias, but for now I am gonna assume I don't have bias's. My thought and phrase I have mentioned to hubby is "A child in need is a child in need no matter the race." I have briefly mentioned before the african american side of things, the newest is he is thinking he only wants a singleton or a lone sibling group (like those are the only two siblings) because he doesn't want to deal with the cultural/socio economic aspect of having to deal with explaining why we have more money than their other sibs and the possible ecouragement of theivery by their not wealthy sibs. And then he brings up inheritance. Really hubbs, really? And how the other sibs of the f2a kid may abuse/mis treat adult kid when we are gone because they have all this inheritance. um ok. I guess that is something to think about, but in general I would hope our kid (who would be 50+ ish) would know how to handle themselves in such a situation. It just really erks me, sometimes I think "did you really think of how this would be before we signed up..." Maybe I am looking to much at the roses and not enough at the thorns, but I really think that his bias is not good. hmmph, maybe I can get hubbs to blog his side...
Feeling Unprepared
In a material way that is. So in the foster / f2a world I have been surrounded by people preparing to have a child in their home. A fellow friend is prepping for her little one that she is hoping she gets placed with and two of the four couples (we are one of the four) that was in our class were talking about what their nursrey looks like. I am at a loss. I want to prepare but I don't know what to get. I mean really what do you need for a 0-6 year old? Yes there is ALOT of stuff that could be bought...most for baby stage. Oh yeah we also don't know gender yet. We are still finishing our licensing so we are still a number (5-7) weeks away, but I want to start preparing and feel really behind. But when I make a list of things I need it is so long, but again a lot of baby toddler stuff. I am starting to accept the fact that there probably will not be a little baby that is on the track for adoption. So we are planning for an older toddler/preschooler with chance/possibility of a baby sibling. So I have started to make a very vague list of things I think I will need. But alot of material things I am blocked again by hubby because he doesn't want us to have alot of unneccisary stuff. An example, I know these children don't come with alot of clothes, so I want to have some clothing available so I don't have to run out the day they come, ect. But then my kind hubby reminds me that actually there is a good chance we will actually get a chance to have time inbetween initial match to placement. Usually a couple of weeks. The process for f2a people is that the team matches a family up with a child and you sit with the team and say yes/no. Then they start the visits, then over night visits then a weekend or two and then a full movement you your place. So it isn't like we don't have time from match to placement, but I still feel like I should be doing something to prepare. So I talked hubby into going to IKEA after our foster class next saturday. At least then I can look at their bedding and just general linens that I need. Maybe I will find a toy chest or something too! I need something to store all these fun books I have found at Goodwill/rummages. I am getting more excited and nervous at the same time for the f2a child we will be placed with. Excited because, well, that should be obvious. Nervous because I know it wont be an easy road and I am nervous at how long the adoption proceedings can take. A teacher/foster mom at our foster class was talking about her children's adoption hearings and how they gave birthmom every little opertunity under the sun to get better and get her child back. It took her kids an average of about 2 years from placement to adoption hearing (the one were parental rights are given to adoptive parents). She said some will be less (she had one that only took 6 months) but most are a long wait. So I am nervous about that. I really need to give this to God, he knows how it will work out, I don't need to worry about it. Easier said than done sometimes...
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Class
Today we completed 6 of the 9 hours of classes required to get our foster license. We covered some obvious things from the rule book ( can't spank kids/no corporal punnishment, must feed the kids, no locking them in a closet, stuff like that (really they have to say that? Well I suppose, otherwise the kids wouldn't be in foster care)) and breafly went over big rules.We talked in depth of how a child moves through the system. We covered some other things includeing confidentiality. No FB posting allowed, not even an announcement, so...um yeah that sucks. I do see why and were they are coming from, but it kinda sucks. I cant even say "mother's of three year olds, tell me what I need" SOOO I guess I am going to have to rely on the interwebs for what a three year old needs (or whatever age our lil sprout is!). Other things about confidentiality kinda make me nervous. You are also not supposed to "point out" or make it known unless needed that the child is a foster child. So it is kinda hard, I mean it will be obvious and evedent to many that they are. Also what am I supposed to tell my MIL?? She doesnt know how to keep confidentiality. I mean the neighborhood grocer probably knows bil & sil are pregnant, and that hubby and I are IF. So really even if we go with the basics the whole world (Ok, I know...) will know we have a foster kid.... We also talked with the two ladies running the meeting. Many people talked about their concerns with the process ect. Hubby (we found out) was not alone in his fear of the birthparents finding out where we live. He is afraid of familial retaliation. The only thing with that is if a family tries to retaliate (which is extremely rare) you can get that maked on their file, mentioned at court. So really it hinders them to mess with you.
We also found out about that rights that birthparents have when you have their child. Like the parents can choose to refuse a haircut, a permission slip, out of state travel, and even religious beliefs.
Over all the class was interesting, but LONG. In ways I wish we would have taken the three seperate classes instead of two.
Some things we are not looking forward to for 2012 are the possible recertification due to how the state is reorganizing. Usually the county runs the foster system for that county, but because mke county is a lawsuit county (a foster parent brought a lawsuit against mke co for the children) it is now run by the state. It is confusing. But I am nervous for getting certified in this reorganizational year. I guess it will be ok in the end.
So this week we have our next appt with Chris. I am so happy we keep truckin along on this journey.
We also found out about that rights that birthparents have when you have their child. Like the parents can choose to refuse a haircut, a permission slip, out of state travel, and even religious beliefs.
Over all the class was interesting, but LONG. In ways I wish we would have taken the three seperate classes instead of two.
Some things we are not looking forward to for 2012 are the possible recertification due to how the state is reorganizing. Usually the county runs the foster system for that county, but because mke county is a lawsuit county (a foster parent brought a lawsuit against mke co for the children) it is now run by the state. It is confusing. But I am nervous for getting certified in this reorganizational year. I guess it will be ok in the end.
So this week we have our next appt with Chris. I am so happy we keep truckin along on this journey.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Update...I guess
Just a quickish update on the process so far. Since I last blogged we had our physicals and got our tb skin test, we both go back to get the skin checked tomorrow. I am in the process of making our fire escape plan. And we have the first two of the three required pre-license classes this saturday.
Hubby and I haven't really sat down to discuss what we are absolutely not open to, ect. So that is on the plan sometime this week! We see Chris next tuesday as well, so we are truckin along.
We have after much thought and a lot of prayer on my part taken our entry into the LSS lottery out of the drawing. This came about because of how happy with how we are moving along on the process. Another reason is both sides seam a little pissy about the possibility of having to work with the other. But in the long run I am happy that we are going with the foster system. I, after a lot of prayer, have felt that this is really what God has set on my heart for making our family. I know and am ready for the risks that come along with F2A. Also with LSS we were recently asked to let our name go into an early lottery, they needed a few more names for this year I guess. That call is really the one that got us to thinking praying. In the end we both knew in our heart that LSS was not going to be our ticket to a family. A happiness can be taken from this(ok, actually a few). I will not have to deal with the sadness that I would feel if not chosen, and most importantly (in my mind at least) I wont have to take out 20K from my savings account-so yeah!!
So we are really enjoying the foster process, ask me this once we get placed and I may say different, but I am thinking not.
In other news (but still in the family realm of things) I have been thinking alot of being a parent, and personally I'm freaking out-ok well not freaking out but very worried at my parenting ability. I mean really, what do I know, I don't have kids and only been around kids a little bit. Maybe that is how all to be parents feel... IDK.
Ok, this were I will end it, off to state fair with the hubbs!
Hubby and I haven't really sat down to discuss what we are absolutely not open to, ect. So that is on the plan sometime this week! We see Chris next tuesday as well, so we are truckin along.
We have after much thought and a lot of prayer on my part taken our entry into the LSS lottery out of the drawing. This came about because of how happy with how we are moving along on the process. Another reason is both sides seam a little pissy about the possibility of having to work with the other. But in the long run I am happy that we are going with the foster system. I, after a lot of prayer, have felt that this is really what God has set on my heart for making our family. I know and am ready for the risks that come along with F2A. Also with LSS we were recently asked to let our name go into an early lottery, they needed a few more names for this year I guess. That call is really the one that got us to thinking praying. In the end we both knew in our heart that LSS was not going to be our ticket to a family. A happiness can be taken from this(ok, actually a few). I will not have to deal with the sadness that I would feel if not chosen, and most importantly (in my mind at least) I wont have to take out 20K from my savings account-so yeah!!
So we are really enjoying the foster process, ask me this once we get placed and I may say different, but I am thinking not.
In other news (but still in the family realm of things) I have been thinking alot of being a parent, and personally I'm freaking out-ok well not freaking out but very worried at my parenting ability. I mean really, what do I know, I don't have kids and only been around kids a little bit. Maybe that is how all to be parents feel... IDK.
Ok, this were I will end it, off to state fair with the hubbs!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)