Updateroo!

So I ment to write the update a few days ago-obviously that didn't happen. I have been a little to busy playing WoW with the hubbs... The update is both possitive and negativeish, but still an update :)

This past monday we met with Chris again and did more interview stuff. Ok serious side note here-if you want to strengthin your marraige, have someone ask you the interview questions we were asked. THey ask things like how is your marriage, how do you fight, how do you over come arguments and so on. Strengths and weaknesses of your partner, ect.  So ok, back, we had Chris over for about an hour, asked us more questions. TOld us hubby's physical sheet was in, but mine was not (damn you hospital!!) And said that he thinks we only need ONE MORE MEETING!!! woot woot!  So that meeting is scheduled for this coming tuesday. Then he has a certain amount of time to get his paper work in and then our license is given. Honestly I have no idea how the process on his end goes. He plans to explain at our next meeting and give us an estimated date of license approval.  We asked him last week what he thinks the time line is for us to get our license, and he didn't have a timeline for us yet... Which kinda worries me especially since Erathora has had a estimated date since like half way through her process.Grrr!! Hubby says "why does it matter" And I say because I want to be prepared for that call... So the not so happy thing with this is still the ethnic aspect of it all and hubbies disagreement. He really has it ingrained somewhere somehow that "colored people" are bad. At least that is what I am making of it. He is still hemming and hawing about saying yes to being open to an african american person. He has sorta said yes to our CW, so I donno. He wants to wait to see where this all goes, but my problem with that is I have a very hard time with the possibility of being presented with a child and everything matches except hubbies choice of skin color, and saying no to this child because of their skin. I knowq having a biracial/ethnic child in the family will be hard for some family members, but at the same time why does skin color matter. Grr ok I am probably seeing this with rose colored glasses so if anyone has input-please input!  I even had our women's group pray about it.  This month was more of a book club meet so it wasn't bible studyish, but I felt it was important because it was causinga divide.  So it was prayed over at the meeting. I feel better about it all being in God's hands, and he knows best, but still my mind is over thinking the situation..

On a happier note I guess to end the update, we gave in and bought a pack n play.  Just a basic one. And actually no complaint from the hubby since it was at his favorite store (menards) so yeah!! it was cheap to- $35, so it wan't to bad and it is brand new, not like the ones I would have gotten off craigslist. Ok well hope everyones weekend is good. I have been invited to invade guys night since they need an extra player for Axes & Allies. Gotta read up on how to play :)

32 by 32

So yeah, by bday was few days ago. I wanted to make a list of "goals" to do before my next bday. This is kinda along the 101 things in 1001 days, but less goals/days.  If you notice a lot of the goals are crafty related, I wanted to get back to my craftiness! 

32 by 32
1. Digiscrap from 2005 on (um, yes that is quit a goal...)
2. Take an intro to quilting class
3. Go to an Admirals game
4. Go to a Brewer's game
5. Knit something for myself
6. Volounteer / Serve for 1hr/ month
7. Read 60 Books
8. Go to Art Museum
9. Update Recipe Binder
10. Take more photos on SLR camera
11. Create & maintain a weekly meal plan for at least 6 months (doesn't have to be consecutive)
12. Make a self worth/self esteem poster
13. Create a list of 100 things that make me happy
14. Host one holiday at our house
15. Sew something for myself
16. Sew Pillow covers for LR couch pillows
17. Make a subway art poster and hang it
18. Find wall decor for LR/DR
19. Start up Etsy store
20. Make 2nd BR cozy for a kid
21. See a Broadway play
22. Bring back date night
23. Have a garage sale
24. Design our Christmas cards
25. Find out what excersize I actually like
26. Learn to embroider
27. Enjoy whatever time God gives us with F2A
28. Organize & back up digital photos
29. Memorize 1 Bible verse per month (minimum... I am bad at this...)
30. Help Mom/ Get Mom to make slip covers for couch arms
31. Take a free online class
32. Go camping at least once (really I hope this number is closer to 3 or 4, but hubby hates camping so it is like pulling teeth to get him to go!!)

Respite Care

Ok, this is my third blog today, and I have one more planned-maybe I should combine blogs??? who knows.  So at our first class and our last class we talked a little about respite care. Both times our Foster Mom/Teacher said she has never put her kids in "official" respite care, but has relied on other family friends or foster friends to watch her kidos if needed.  Her reasoning is quite valid actually. You wouldn't leave your kids with just anyone-would you? Usually you dont know the foster family that cssw chose for respite. Ok so this is all well and good, but that totally makes me feel like an a hole for figuring out how respite will work for us since I will probably be using more than the 7 days allowed through the state.  I am not changing my out of country plans just because we are placed with a child (or 2). Call me cruel call me mean call me whatever.  I know you would normally not plan to be out of the country around the time your child is born, but it is a little different when you don't know when that child will be coming to live in your home.  I do feel like a horrible person for having to say that I need respite for 8ish maybe 9 days so I can go to Aruba with the fam.  Our cw already knows that we will need respite, but everything I have heard from foster parents is pretty much respite is a frowned upon thing. I dunno. It will most likely have been to short a time (1-2ish months) so I also don't want to throw them back into the trauma of someone else leaving them even though I really am not. I already know that I will be calling them daily to check up and remind them of our love for them.  And I feel awful asking our friends if they would be willing to watch or new f2a kiddo for 8ish days.  I mean that is something any parent would have a super hard time with I would think.

In Preperation

Ok, so this is just mostly a picture post, skip over if not interested!! I wanted to share how the kids room is shaping up. I haven't taken pics of the room, but here are webby pics of the things we have gotten.  BTW, do you know how hard it is to find gender neutral bedding?? Oh man. So we went more boyish on the gn bedding. But oh well. We will probably allow kiddo to get a different comforter if they really hate it since it is just a duvet from Ikea ($20). So here goes!

Bedding 

Toy closet/bookshelf. Picture this without the cabinet doors on top, that's what we got :)

Blanket to match sorta

Super duper cute bath mat!

We also spent an hour going to two stores and hemming and hawing the benefits of getting either a booster with a 5point harness (for lower weight kids) or a standard high back booster (for higher wt kids) we opted  for the high back booster. If we have to get a standard car seat we will get one, but the high back should cover a fair amount of age/height/weight combos. Target is being a jerk and not letting me copy the pic, so here is the linky. Oh and whats up with the no gn car seats yo?  This one is a gn as possible. (not) http://www.target.com/Graco-1771040-Highback-Booster-Baldwin/dp/B004VMT5KY/ref=sc_qi_detaillink

A hubby Funny

Yesterday hubby and I did some "kiddo" shopping. Not alot, just the stuff I had talked about getting like a bedding set and toy box/book shelf type of thing. We were at IKEA when the funny happened. (side note: holy busy batman! I have been there twice now and both times were crazy busy) Ok so we were in the kid "section" of the store as we are deciding whether we wanted one style toy box or a bookcase system with drawers. If you have ever been to ikea you know it is only somewhat organized. Ok so we are looking at the shelfy things and hubby spots these little plastic potty chairs.  "Really, kids poop in those until their potty trained?" Yes that would be what he said. Yes I know my hubby has a lot to learn about parenting (as do I) but really hubbs??  (sarcasm) Sometimes I am just amazed at what little information about kids he knows! This will be one roller coaster of a ride!!  

Happy 31st?

So yesterday was my birthday. It was a nice day, and went out for dinner with the hubbs. But I was in a mood. I was still over thinking the things that were said to me the night before. Needless to say I have come to discover in a round about way that my mom is not too supportive of us pursuing foster to adopt. She didn't out right say it (so some assumption on my part here) but the things she brought up and the way she brought them up lead me to believe this. I wrote on this more yesterday. I had to write out my feelings, I was pretty upset.  I needed time to think it out beforehand so I wouldn't come off as a total b*tch. So read yesterdays post if you want a more inside look at it.

Ok, so other than that my birthday was fairly decent.  I can't believe I'm 31.. sheesh I'm old!  I am looking forward to what this year will bring hubby & I. :)

Dear Somebody...

How do I start. I was really hurt by the few comments you made yesterday.  We were supposed to be celebrating my birthday. And for the most part it was a nice dinner out, and I appreciate you taking us out, but sometimes I wish you could just be happy for me. Maybe I am being over sensitive, but telling me that you wish I found a job I like, or telling me how I should really watch what I am eating and not eat the things hubby is eating and continually telling me (that night at least) that raising kids is hard, that raising these special kids will be so hard and just your general beleif that I am not patient enough.  WHO THE F ARE TRYING TO BE? I am a frickin adult but I melt again to a little kid every time you make a "constructive criticism".  Can't you just be happy for me, for us and leave it at that and maybe say oh wow not sure how you can do that because xyz. Not 3-5 times in one flippin meal. Gosh. I mean yes I know I have to loose weight, or eat better, or starve myself. whatever works.  I know that raising a foster child WILL NOT be easy, this I am very aware of. I have confidence in myself that I/we can do it though. And really at this point it is our only option to start a family. I want a family, I want to have to be responsible for these kids. I just wish you could be happy for me. Couldn't you tell we are excited? Why do you have to squash our happiness? Also what right do you have to compair these kids that we are going to help to R's kids. They are totally different people. R's kids have never been in the situations that these children will be in, so again what right do you have to compare apples to oranges??
And also, really criticize what I eat is so not gonna help me loose weight. It is gonna make me either yo-yo diet, cycle through starve/binge or constant dieting. I know what I should shouldn't eat. I choose to eat not great because of many reasons. Being so critical of my weight really makes me more insecure of how I look which isn't good.  Do you know that I am so insecure about eating that I hate eating alone at restaurants. Yeah.. Its not all your fault I know, but you have attributed to alot of my self image stuff. Also thanks for being soo supportive of me being a stay at home mom. Why can't you just be happy for me, really. All I have wanted in this process is someone to lean on and for you to be happy for us, but it seams like neither have happened... Can you please just be happy with out all the extra opinions and bs, please...

View from the Hubby

So here is the view from my hubby.. be nice!


My wife actually summarizes my point of view brilliantly with lines starting with "the newest thing...". I was thinking about it today and I'm more open to any ethnicity now, but I would really like to adopt either an only child or the only two brothers or sisters. It just does not seem fair for one child to grow up in a higher socioeconomic status, in a better neighborhood with better schools and more opportunities compared to another sibling. I can see it creating animosity and jealousy and leading to stealing and begging. We are not in a position to be able to fix a whole large family. I know we can not at this point, and probably not for a long time or ever, adopt more than two children. We can't know of course, if the birthmother would have additional children later, but that seems more distant and less likely to cause problems than the divide of brothers or sisters around the same age.

In my view, there are two types of foster couples, and I would think the majority would fall into the first type. The first type has had biological child(ren) already, and once they are at least somewhat grown up, the couple decides to open their hearts and homes to one or more additional children. This helps with two aspects, first of all, they've been through parenting before; they have the experience, and they probably have the furniture, clothes, toys, etc as well. Second, they are older and in a better financial position to be able to support many foster children. The other type of foster couple is the first-time-parent couple. Not only do we have all the worries of never being parents before, we have the additional foster-specific worries. I worry about problems with the birthmother relationship, I worry about the adoption falling apart, I worry about unknown emotional or behavioral issues coming up. Can we deal with them, probably so, but we have to think more long-term than foster-only parents. We are, after all, looking for the next generation of our family.

Rant on Bias

Ok, total rant ahead. Mostly against my hubby to, which I try really hard not to do on this blog. But tonight/today his bias to things REALLY came to a head.
I do not feel I am to biased on the choice of race ect for our foster 2 adopt kiddo.  I know that I do NOT want an ICWA kiddo (indian kiddo) because of the risk that an indian tribe may try to claim that child as their own at anytime up until the day of legal adoption. That is way to much risk for me. Having a child placed, then ICWA notified and them doing nothing until the day before my child becomes mine legally, and deciding that they would be better off raised on an indian reservation somewhere else in the state is not what I want to deal with. Other than this I feel I am open (medical issues I am fairly set on what I am not open to). Maybe my bias's are so buried that I don't really know if it is a bias, but for now I am gonna assume I don't have bias's.  My thought and phrase I have mentioned to hubby is "A child in need is a child in need no matter the race." I have briefly mentioned before the african american side of things, the newest is he is thinking he only wants a singleton or a lone sibling group (like those are the only two siblings) because he doesn't want to deal with the cultural/socio economic aspect of having to deal with explaining why we have more money than their other sibs and the possible ecouragement of theivery by their not wealthy sibs. And then he brings up inheritance. Really hubbs, really?  And how the other sibs of the f2a kid may abuse/mis treat adult kid when we are gone because they have all this inheritance. um ok. I guess that is something to think about, but in general I would hope our kid (who would be 50+ ish) would know how to handle themselves in such a situation. It just really erks me, sometimes I think "did you really think of how this would be before we signed up..."   Maybe I am looking to much at the roses and not enough at the thorns, but I really think that his bias is not good.  hmmph, maybe I can get hubbs to blog his side...

Feeling Unprepared

In a material way that is. So in the foster / f2a world I have been surrounded by people preparing to have a child in their home. A fellow friend is prepping for her little one that she is hoping she gets placed with and two of the four couples (we are one of the four) that was in our class were talking about what their nursrey looks like.  I am at a loss. I want to prepare but I don't know what to get. I mean really what do you need for a 0-6 year old? Yes there is ALOT of stuff that could be bought...most for baby stage. Oh yeah we also don't know gender yet. We are still finishing our licensing so we are still a number (5-7) weeks away, but I want to start preparing and feel really behind. But when I make a list of things I need it is so long, but again a lot of baby toddler stuff.  I am starting to accept the fact that there probably will not be a little baby that is on the track for adoption. So we are planning for an older toddler/preschooler with chance/possibility of a baby sibling.  So I have started to make a very vague list of things I think I will need.  But alot of material things I am blocked again by hubby because he doesn't want us to have alot of unneccisary stuff. An example, I know these children don't come with alot of clothes, so I want to have some clothing available so I don't have to run out the day they come, ect. But then my kind hubby reminds me that actually there is a good chance we will actually get a chance to have time inbetween initial match to placement. Usually a couple of weeks. The process for f2a people is that the team matches a family up with a child and you sit with the team and say yes/no. Then they start the visits, then over night visits then a weekend or two and then a full movement you your place. So it isn't like we don't have time from match to placement, but I still feel like I should be doing something to prepare. So I talked hubby into going to IKEA after our foster class next saturday. At least then I can look at their bedding and just general linens that I need. Maybe I will find a toy chest or something too!  I need something to store all these fun books I have found at Goodwill/rummages.  I am getting more excited and nervous at the same time for the f2a child we will be placed with.  Excited because, well, that should be obvious. Nervous because I know it wont be an easy road and I am nervous at how long the adoption proceedings can take. A teacher/foster mom at our foster class was talking about her children's adoption hearings and how they gave birthmom every little opertunity under the sun to get better and get her child back. It took her kids an average of about 2 years from placement to adoption hearing (the one were parental rights are given to adoptive parents). She said some will be less (she had one that only took 6 months) but most are a long wait.  So I am nervous about that.  I really need to give this to God, he knows how it will work out, I don't need to worry about it.  Easier said than done sometimes...

Class

Today we completed 6 of the 9 hours of classes required to get our foster license.  We covered some obvious things from the rule book ( can't spank kids/no corporal punnishment, must feed the kids, no locking them in a closet, stuff like that (really they have to say that? Well I suppose, otherwise the kids wouldn't be in foster care)) and breafly went over big rules.We talked in depth of how a child moves through the system. We covered some other things includeing confidentiality. No FB posting allowed, not even an announcement, so...um yeah that sucks. I do see why and were they are coming from, but it kinda sucks. I cant even say "mother's of three year olds, tell me what I need" SOOO I guess I am going to have to rely on the interwebs for what a three year old needs (or whatever age our lil sprout is!).  Other things about confidentiality kinda make me nervous. You are also not supposed to "point out" or make it known unless needed that the child is a foster child. So it is kinda hard, I mean it will be obvious and evedent to many that they are.  Also what am I supposed to tell my MIL?? She doesnt know how to keep confidentiality. I mean the neighborhood grocer probably knows bil & sil are pregnant, and that hubby and I are IF.   So really even if we go with the basics the whole world (Ok, I know...) will know we have a foster kid....  We also talked with the two ladies running the meeting. Many people talked about their concerns with the process ect. Hubby (we found out) was not alone in his fear of the birthparents finding out where we live. He is afraid of familial retaliation. The only thing with that is if a family tries to retaliate (which is extremely rare) you can get that maked on their file, mentioned at court. So really it hinders them to mess with you.
We also found out about that rights that birthparents have when you have their child. Like the parents can choose to refuse a haircut, a permission slip, out of state travel, and even religious beliefs.
Over all the class was interesting, but LONG. In ways I wish we would have taken the three seperate classes instead of two.

Some things we are not looking forward to for 2012 are the possible recertification due to how the state is reorganizing. Usually the county runs the foster system for that county, but because mke county is a lawsuit county (a foster parent brought a lawsuit against mke co for the children) it is now run by the state. It is confusing. But I am nervous for getting certified in this reorganizational year.  I guess it will be ok in the end.

So this week we have our next appt with Chris. I am so happy we keep truckin along on this journey.

Update...I guess

Just a quickish update on the process so far. Since I last blogged we had our physicals and got our tb skin test, we both go back to get the skin checked tomorrow. I am in the process of making our fire escape plan. And we have the first two of the three required pre-license classes this saturday.

Hubby and I haven't really sat down to discuss what we are absolutely not open to, ect.  So that is on the plan sometime this week!  We see Chris next tuesday as well, so we are truckin along.

We have after much thought and a lot of prayer on my part taken our entry into the LSS lottery out of the drawing.  This came about because of how happy with how we are moving along on the process. Another reason is both sides seam a little pissy about the possibility of having to work with the other. But in the long run I am happy that we are going with the foster system. I, after a lot of prayer, have felt that this is really what God has set on my heart for making our family. I know and am ready for the risks that come along with F2A. Also with LSS we were recently asked to let our name go into an early lottery, they needed a few more names for this year I guess. That call is really the one that got us to thinking praying. In the end we both knew in our heart that LSS was not going to be our ticket to a family. A happiness can be taken from this(ok, actually a few). I will not have to deal with the sadness that I would feel if not chosen, and most importantly (in my mind at least) I wont have to take out 20K from my savings account-so yeah!!

So we are really enjoying the foster process, ask me this once we get placed and I may say different, but I am thinking not.

In other news (but still in the family realm of things) I have been thinking alot of being a parent, and personally I'm freaking out-ok well not freaking out but very worried at my parenting ability.  I mean really, what do I know, I don't have kids and only been around kids a little bit.  Maybe that is how all to be parents feel... IDK.

Ok, this were I will end it, off to state fair with the hubbs!

Risk

Yesterday we saw Chris our CW again. We did a little more paper shuffling (we handed him a PILE of financial copies, he had us sign more stuff). He did a home walk through, really didn't suggest we need to do much safety stuff, we already had smoke/co detectors installed, already bought a fire ext and a fire escape ladder. So I need to do cab locks on the under sink cabs in the kitch and in the half bath, and put outlet plugs in our downstairs rooms (fam room, kitch lower outlets, dr & lr) but other than that we seam cool safety wise. Oh but we do have to work on our fire escape plan thing that we have to post in our kitch.  The meeting also included a lot of talking. We talked about my parents, his parents, my sibs, his sibs and how we all relate and such. How we all communicate. We also talked about our pets and how they act around people...great i thought... Our big cat loves people-just not necessarily my mom, sister, bil or niece nephew... he hisses at them. We had to tell the truth. The guy asks, but he doesn't act out to them, like biting our scratching, right? Thank goodness he doesn't...  We also started to talk about us having to think about and eventually nail down what kind of child we wanted. That led into him further explaining their "pool of names" and their process. (We are lucky i guess cuz he is able to answer more q's than most cw I guess you would say. Apperantly he doesn't do intakes normally, but because the department is loosing people and will soon be undergoing reorganization, he has to do some intake families.  So ok back to risk. That is kinda what I am bloggin about today.  So we started to talk about what we are open to. I explained age wise that we are open to under three but that the guy presenting at the info session made it seam like you were forced to say 3+ if you wanted to adopt. So we said our range is 0-6 (orig was 3-6) and then we talked a little about what race we were interested in. I am ok with any race, hubby is not. So he is really going to have to nail down what he absolutely is not open to.  I kinda know he is against African american just because he doesn't want the "stigma" of first impression being that the child is adopted. He is also concerned that we wouldn't be able to provide the cultural aspects of that spacific race. I agree with him on that, but at the same time disagree. How are we able to provide cultural support to an asain or mexican child but not an african american. So we need to sit down and discuss that. And then we all talked about risk and how much legal risk we thought we might be interested in. Then he went into describing the process after placement, there is apparently a juryed court hearing to see if it is substantiated, if yes, it goes in front of judge. If he finds that tpr should happen, the parents have a chance to (i cant think of the word) but they can dispute it. That trail can take months apparently. That scared me, well that and the fact that our CW said most parents dispute it. Great... so not only do we run the risk of having to hand the child back because the parent is doing what the judge says they need to do, but we could also loose them if they win the court dispute thing. So that appearantly is considered medium risk. So we have to decide how much risk we are interested in. But we keep trucking along at a somewhat fast pace-yeah! After all the waiting on the state I am glad it is moving along. We have signed up for mandatory classes, so buy the next time we will have taken 6 of the 9 required pre-license classes. Ok, well I am off, yeah!

Recap, sorta

Tonight I chose to go to the monthly meeting/support group for infertility. I donno how I feel about the people there. I recognized one from the bible study I went to a while back, the leader of the meeting I didn't know and there was also another new person tonight. Everyone shared their story and where they were in the process. The host and I were both persueing adoption, another girl is just starting her IF journey after a medical illness was discovered, and another one is "exhausting all her options" (her words, not mine). It was a little odd for me, cuz my situation is different, and alot of the tests two of the girls were talking about I had no clue what they were.  We talked about different struggles that us IF people go through, especially things people say and so on. In the end it was nice, I will probably go to next months meeting, especially now that I have bitten the bullet and somewhat overcame my anxiety of it all.

Monday Blues...

So I have kinda been in a blah mood today. Probably still re-cooping from the party, but then again dunno.
I have decided to go to the meeting/support group. I am freaking out y'all. Some of you know that I chickened out for the meeting two months ago, and chickened out for last months meeting. I had a book club on the same day with girls from church and told the host I would be going to the support group instead. I was all ready to go too, but i didn't. I chickened out again. I know why to. I am a shy person soo that doesn't help, but my biggest fear is the people in the group saying I don't belong there or something along that line since my situation is different. I have not been ttc'ing for years and years, and have not had tests done, and have not had a lot of other things IF ladies have gone through. My IF is because I have a medical condition that I was born with so it is odd... But I am going, already told the lady I will be there. Also their group must be small, since she had sent a meeting cancelation announcement at the same time I had sent my rsvp to the meeting, so in the next few minutes the meeting went from on to canceled to back on again! so the three of us ladies will be meeting...I am so nervous...........
Also I am cleaning up from the party still, my mom and friend of MIL, and friend of fam and I did dishes, ok well all of them did dishes and cleaned tables, I just put dishes away. Still got to vaccuum and sweep and maybe mop the kitch. Possible steam clean my carpet in the LR since someone dropped cake on my carpet! :) We were both all laughs and smiles about it, it was actually kinda funny! Oh, so why I am I having to clean again? Chris is coming over again tommorow night :) yeah! So he plans to do a walk through and start the interview.   Oh I forgot I still need to make a fire escape plan and copy some papers for the guy... well better get to that! I will post a recap of tonights meeting so you know I didn't skip out again!!