Monday, August 15, 2011
Feeling Unprepared
In a material way that is. So in the foster / f2a world I have been surrounded by people preparing to have a child in their home. A fellow friend is prepping for her little one that she is hoping she gets placed with and two of the four couples (we are one of the four) that was in our class were talking about what their nursrey looks like. I am at a loss. I want to prepare but I don't know what to get. I mean really what do you need for a 0-6 year old? Yes there is ALOT of stuff that could be bought...most for baby stage. Oh yeah we also don't know gender yet. We are still finishing our licensing so we are still a number (5-7) weeks away, but I want to start preparing and feel really behind. But when I make a list of things I need it is so long, but again a lot of baby toddler stuff. I am starting to accept the fact that there probably will not be a little baby that is on the track for adoption. So we are planning for an older toddler/preschooler with chance/possibility of a baby sibling. So I have started to make a very vague list of things I think I will need. But alot of material things I am blocked again by hubby because he doesn't want us to have alot of unneccisary stuff. An example, I know these children don't come with alot of clothes, so I want to have some clothing available so I don't have to run out the day they come, ect. But then my kind hubby reminds me that actually there is a good chance we will actually get a chance to have time inbetween initial match to placement. Usually a couple of weeks. The process for f2a people is that the team matches a family up with a child and you sit with the team and say yes/no. Then they start the visits, then over night visits then a weekend or two and then a full movement you your place. So it isn't like we don't have time from match to placement, but I still feel like I should be doing something to prepare. So I talked hubby into going to IKEA after our foster class next saturday. At least then I can look at their bedding and just general linens that I need. Maybe I will find a toy chest or something too! I need something to store all these fun books I have found at Goodwill/rummages. I am getting more excited and nervous at the same time for the f2a child we will be placed with. Excited because, well, that should be obvious. Nervous because I know it wont be an easy road and I am nervous at how long the adoption proceedings can take. A teacher/foster mom at our foster class was talking about her children's adoption hearings and how they gave birthmom every little opertunity under the sun to get better and get her child back. It took her kids an average of about 2 years from placement to adoption hearing (the one were parental rights are given to adoptive parents). She said some will be less (she had one that only took 6 months) but most are a long wait. So I am nervous about that. I really need to give this to God, he knows how it will work out, I don't need to worry about it. Easier said than done sometimes...
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Mama Monica has a list of "things to have on hand" on her blog--Noisy.Colorful.Lively. I would just think about getting through the first day or so, and you can always go to the store later. And, as you said, you will likely have a bit of notice. If it were me--I would get a place for them to sleep (twin bed w/rails and crib or pack 'n play). One or two pj/sleeper outfit (like sweats) in each size. So, if you need to take them to the store in the outfit it's ok. A couple sippy cups, bottles, blankets, kid safe bowls and snacks. A few toys. You can get through 48 hours with very little. I would get most of those things at a secondhand store. Even if you don't use them, you are only out a few dollars. Important: Have the name/number of a close friend you can call if it is a quick placement to do your last-minute target run. (Diapers, snacks, whatever.) We also thought about carseats ahead of time. I know I don't want to be buying a carseat when we just got "the call" so we bought 2 sizes, and are leaving them in the box with the receipts. If we don't use them, we can return them. Talk to your worker about what he recommends.
ReplyDeleteAlso--a few articles from ARCW. I've been cooking lots of double batches of things and freezing them.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.wiadoptioninfocenter.org/library/1037/waiting.pdf
http://www.adoptionhelp.org/adoption_resources/while_waiting.html
http://www.threeyellowroses.com/2009/10/27/what-to-do-while-waiting-to-adopt/
http://www.ehow.com/how_5305257_organize-baby-room-waiting-adopt.html
Also--start checking into day cares NOW. We are finding crazy long waiting lists in our area. This is much harder than we anticipated. Pediatricians, too.
Thanks! I mean I do have some stuff already, I think maybe it is just the "nesting" in me that wants to be prepared. We have Hubby's old twin bed set up and we have a hand me down dresser we have to pick up and books, but that is literally it. Will definately check out the webbys for making extra batches of food to freeze and your resources are helpful. I know we need car seats and all that other stuff. I think the saving receipt thing might just happen for us. Buy a few basics and keep it all in bags/closet and save receipts and return not needed. And we aren't doing day care... So we are lucky on that end! Didn't think about pediatricians... Also heard it is super hard to find a dentist that accepts title 19. Have you guys taken your 9hrs of classes yet? That was mentioned by the foster mom teacher in our class. Thanks for all the ideas... :)
ReplyDeleteIf you do end up with an infant (since I saw you still had 0-6 listed) we have plenty of stuff you can borrow if you want (even if it's just to have on hand til you replace things).
ReplyDeleteIf they're 3-6 though, I'd probably wait for them to come first so they can help pick out the clothing. It might help them adjust a bit and feel like they have a bit more control in a situation which I'm sure feels very out of control to them. Plus, if they're closer to the 6 end, you can use it as an opportunity to start teaching them about managing money. I think it's nice for kids to have a budget and then they make the decision over whether 1 pair of very nice pants is better than 3 items that are on sale.
We found our pediatrician through the birth center at one of their meet the doctor. If you go to the local hospital they might have a recommendation for a good local group. I'd go for a place that has good hours and a few different people so if your doctor isn't available another one is.