Is not to easy to think about. I have talked about finding sorrow in their joy, but not much on the joy in their sorrow part. The sorrow I am talking about is the loss of a child. I am so lucky and greatful that I have never experienced the loss of a child by death or by adoption or the foster system. This has been on my mind for a while as a post, and was reminded of it recently again. I am not sure I will use the right words, so bear with me.
As a foster to adopt parent I feel you need to be willing to feel, or put your feet in the other persons shoes. Yes these people may have done something so horrible, so unforgiving to these children, but at the end of the day these are their children until the adoption is finalized- 6+ months down the road. A lot of times these parents may have never been taught how to be a proper parent. They might have had a child young, not wanting to give up the child, abuse/mistreat the child because they don't know better and loose the child because the cant get their life in order to the courts standards. Yes I am generalizing, and yes I am probably being not as harsh as should be on the birthparents, but I feel it is truly not my place to judge until i know the whole story. I guess this really doesnt make sence, just words coming out of my head.
I don't call our future child "My child" or "our child" yet because of many reasons I guess. One being that he/she is never going to wholly be my child. Yes they will be legally mine with time but genetically someone elses. I am sure with time I will call him/her my child. Another thought is my nervousness on being a parent, are we really ready? Is this really happening? I know that everyone doubts their parenting abilities before they have children, so do I. Another more important thing is I am not a lifesaver or someone stepping in and the family will be wonderful.
Hmmph I am trying to type this and the words are just not right. Do you readers understand what I am trying to say? Pretty much to try to sum it up, at the same time I am excited to bring in a new member into our family I am also trying to remember where they came from and the hurt the birthparents must be feeling. From what I have read and seen it is harder for the foster child who is adopted to stay connected to their birth family after adoption finalization than the more modern open adoptions that go on with infant adoption. The child doesnt forget, so what right do we have to forget their past. It takes a village to raise a child. Ok I guess I am gonna end it here. Any comments? Post below :)
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