The Silent Celebration

Today hubby and I went to celebrate his grandparents 60th wedding anniversary.  It was great! Family and a few friends came and we ate a family style meal at a local banquet hall.  We had a nice mix of people at our table. It was us, bil & sil, mil, and one of hubby's aunt and uncle and cousin.  I will restate, I really like his family, they are nice people and pretty interesting people. But I was reminded also the whole time of how excited they are for the new child that is joining the family, and not our new child through F2A.  Each Aunt spent some time talking with sil about her baby growing and what their plans are for naming/gender finding out/ect.  Even hubby's grandma came over and said some stuff to her and said "It's about time."  I must admit it was hard for me to hear all this baby talk. I did not have to excuse myself to cry or anything, infact I was very hapy with my ability to hold it together and smile for them.  But it was hard. I am as happy as the rest for them, but also a little sad that I will never experience some of the things she was talking about.  BUt I have discussed that before, and have begun to let the "I will never experience..." go. It is time to move on, and I have.

But today was hard. It showed that families have a hard time accepting the possibility of a child. The possibility of a foster child joining their family. It is easier for them to see a pregnant women and accept that future child as part of them, part of the family than it is for them to accept the unknown foster/adopted child.  I have learned this well today. As I was outwordly showing my happiness and celebrating a new little one to join the family I was also celebrating the little one that will join us through a different set of circumstances.  But it is a lonely celebration.  I was not asked how we are doing on our journey, or what we have to do still, or if we are ready to be parents like they asked bil & sil.  The one time our journey was talked about today, I was the one who brought it up.  I don't know, I feel like we don't have family support in this on either side really.  I have breifly mentioned before that I felt alone in my own family, but I even feel a little alone/outcast in hubby's extended family.  I know all that is important is that I am loved and precious in God's family, but sometimes I just feel like I need more than just spiritual love, like physical love. IDK, it is hard to discribe I guess.